I Love Ballet Flats
This is the second part of my shoe liberation experience, which continues my first post in the "I Have Worn Women's Shoes" experience. That first post ended with the Payless saleslady encouraging me to try on a pair of ladies shoes I desperately wanted. This was totally unexpected, and quite a shock, as I never thought something like this would happen. She was a Filipino woman who later introduced herself as Maribel. She would continue to play a big role in my ballet flats passion. It was January 2010.
I was working on saving my money, so it would not be for eight months that I would visit a Payless store again. During that spring and summer, those three words that Maribel said kept ringing in my ears: "TRY THEM ON". This would have a big effect on me, because when I stepped into the store on September 7th, I was DESPERATE to get some ballet flats. I don't know why I suddenly had this need to get some flats, all I knew is that I HAD to get a pair. I never felt an urge this strong before. (The fact that a BOGO sale was ending may have helped...but there was something deeper I could not explain). I just got off work, it raining very heavily and I was the only customer in the store. Maribel wasn't there, but the black sales lady greeted me warmly, and told me to take my time browsing. And I did just that since this store had more large sizes (11 and up) than any other store in town. Besides, it was now raining so heavily, that I'd be soaked if I left the store so I figured I would wait out the storm. As the sales lady continued to organize stock and check sales receipts, I spent the next hour and a half trying just about EVERY heel, flat and sandal I thought could fit me. This was important because I now had the chance to try on shoes i never had the chance to try on before. Every once in a while (still being busy) she'd yell out "are you doing okay?" and I would reply "yes I'm fine". I really liked it this way since I didn't have to keep looking over my shoulder to see if anyone was coming. Totally alone in a sea of ladies shoes that fit. I was in heaven! I finally settled on the "Grace" wedge (1 inch heel) and brown "Feebe" flats (cute with a little bow off to the side). I took my flats to the counter, where she rang me up. I wanted to tell her at the moment that the shoes were for me, but I chickened out. Afterwards, we talked about the weather (our city had been
under drought conditions for months--the rainstorm was MUCH needed) for another 20 minutes or so until the rain slowed enough for me to get to my car fairly dry. Normally, I drive home and try on my shoes there. Not this time. I tore off my "guy" shoes and socks and put the Feebe flats on. They were so cute, I didn't want to take them off. In fact, I felt like walking out in the open with them. I did not feel the usual "tension" or "guilt" I normally feel when I wore ladies' shoes. It seemed strangely "natural" like wearing my normal shoes. I've been enjoying ladies shoes off and on for 25 years, but it just felt different this time. I had a sensation that I was about to do something I had never done before...
I decided to drive on to another Payless with many large sizes about six or seven miles away. As I pulled up to the store, a decision had to be made: Go in with guy shoes or new flats? I started to reach for my old shoes, but the desire in me was burning WAY too strong. I walked in the store with my new brown Feebe flats. The apprehension I felt gradually melted away as I headed to the ladies' aisle and started browsing. The black guy didn't seem to have any problems with me wearing flats, he just offered assistance. This was an important hurdle to me because I was concerned how a guy would react to me rocking ladies' flats. I picked up the Feebe flats (in black this time) and the "Audrey" flats (in black with it's cute knot on the vamp), both in size 12 since 11 was too tight. He rang me up, and I was out the door after 20 minutes of browsing. A great experience! Once I got home, I discovered the Audrey flats were a little too big.
After work the next day, I went to the Payless located several blocks from where I live. They had a good selection of large sizes, but not nearly as big as the other two stores. The four pairs of shoes I bought the previous day were left home, so I walked in with regular shoes. I browsed the ladies' aisle, and I quickly found the Audrey flats in size 11 wide. I quickly and quietly tried them on with nobody seeing me. They fit perfect! Just what I needed. I took them to the counter and told the lady to hold them while I went home and got the size 12 Audrey's for an exchange. I rushed home, and was back in less than 15 minutes. I walked into the store (still in my guy shoes) and it seemed empty. I went to the employee's area in the back and yelled "hello". Out came a younger, college age girl of about 21 years old. I told her I came to exchange the two different size flats. She picks them off the counter behind the register and says 'DID YOU WANT TO TRY THEM ON?" My jaw dropped! We had never seen each other before, and I was totally dressed in "guy" clothes after work. I froze and thought to myself: What made her think I liked to wear ladies' shoes? Did it ever occur to her that the flats were for some lady in my life? HOW THE HELL DID SHE KNOW THESE WERE FOR ME????? This seemed like a replay of what Maribel said to me in January! After pulled myself together after this latest shock, I mumbled something like "yes, I'll try them" just to play along with the situation. So I took off my shoes and socks and put them on RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, the first time I ever did this. My voice shook as I said "sorry, I know I'm strange" in an apologetic tone. "It doesn't matter..." she said, as if she were wondering what big deal was. "Do they fit alright?" she asked. "Yes, they feel great" I said, still not believing what's happening. "I bought those flats myself" she revealed. What a rush! I nervously asked "Do you see other guys buying ladies shoes?" "Yeah, occasionally" she replied. She then took the old receipt and made the exchange in the register. I remember saying something like "thanks for understanding" and she saying "it's no problem" as we said our goodbyes. That experience simply blew me away. I never thought a day like this could come. I felt liberated in a way I've never felt before. I could just feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. With each step back to my car, I felt more and more emboldened. After 25 years, that monkey has started to climb off my back. I wanted to go to the shopping center around the block wearing my new Audrey flats, but it was still raining off and on, and the ground was still pretty wet. All that water would ruin the suede material of my flats. So I went back home....
And changed into my brown Feebe flats. From there, it was back to the shopping center and into the Target parking lot. I got out of my car and made my first tentative steps to a major large retail store. I was filled with nervous excitement as I went through the automatic sliding door into the red-themed retail giant. Each step was a revelation as I walked the white, polished floors. I absolutely loved the grip of the rubber sole of my new flats. Through out my life, I had ALWAYS wore socks with my shoes. I NEVER wore men's sandals or flip-flops of any kind. Never wore any footwear that exposed my feet. There was no particular reason for this. I had simply got into the habit of wearing socks and full-vamp shoes all my life. Now wearing these pretty low vamp flats was just as liberating to my feet as well as my mind. No one seemed to notice my flats as I casually strolled along to the shoe department (Target's shoes never fit
me) and the electronics area. In all, I stayed about 30 minutes and then went next door to Office Max. I pranced around that store for 20 minutes, but nobody noticed me there either. This is where I noticed a big attitude change for me. A little while earlier, I was hiding in Payless while trying ladies' shoes. Now I was getting somewhat diappointed that no one was noticing me! Or at least they just didn't say anything. An incredible day, just the same.
This day, September 8th 2010, will down as one of the most important days in my life. So important that I decided to start documenting my adventures in a personal text file called Liberation. I probably have about sixty or seventy stories like the one I just told you. I kept the journal up to about mid-2012. By that time I was getting tired commiting my stories to words because wearing flats (and occasionally wedges) had become so routine for me. This journal explains why you will see so many exact dates in the stories I tell in the future. Originally, I wrote this for my own personal reflection--a record of how a part of me has matured. But I have come to realize that there so many people like me, with similar stories and similar struggles like mine. I truly never thought that I would share this stuff publicly, but if I can make one soul out there feel a little better about themselves, then this will all be worth it. I don't want you to
be like me...waiting a quarter century to find shoe liberation. Get out there and DO IT! If you need advice, or maybe a little hand-holding all of us will be here for you to lean on. Thank god for the internet, thank god for the Experience Project, and most of all, thank god for all of YOU who reads this.
P.S. I am in the process of setting up my photo albums on my profile page so you can visualize the shoes that I wear and give your opinions on them. I wanted to post photos in this very story, but I'm not sure there's a way to make sure the pictures are placed correctly before I post the article for all to see. Stay tuned. Much, much more in the future!!
I was working on saving my money, so it would not be for eight months that I would visit a Payless store again. During that spring and summer, those three words that Maribel said kept ringing in my ears: "TRY THEM ON". This would have a big effect on me, because when I stepped into the store on September 7th, I was DESPERATE to get some ballet flats. I don't know why I suddenly had this need to get some flats, all I knew is that I HAD to get a pair. I never felt an urge this strong before. (The fact that a BOGO sale was ending may have helped...but there was something deeper I could not explain). I just got off work, it raining very heavily and I was the only customer in the store. Maribel wasn't there, but the black sales lady greeted me warmly, and told me to take my time browsing. And I did just that since this store had more large sizes (11 and up) than any other store in town. Besides, it was now raining so heavily, that I'd be soaked if I left the store so I figured I would wait out the storm. As the sales lady continued to organize stock and check sales receipts, I spent the next hour and a half trying just about EVERY heel, flat and sandal I thought could fit me. This was important because I now had the chance to try on shoes i never had the chance to try on before. Every once in a while (still being busy) she'd yell out "are you doing okay?" and I would reply "yes I'm fine". I really liked it this way since I didn't have to keep looking over my shoulder to see if anyone was coming. Totally alone in a sea of ladies shoes that fit. I was in heaven! I finally settled on the "Grace" wedge (1 inch heel) and brown "Feebe" flats (cute with a little bow off to the side). I took my flats to the counter, where she rang me up. I wanted to tell her at the moment that the shoes were for me, but I chickened out. Afterwards, we talked about the weather (our city had been
under drought conditions for months--the rainstorm was MUCH needed) for another 20 minutes or so until the rain slowed enough for me to get to my car fairly dry. Normally, I drive home and try on my shoes there. Not this time. I tore off my "guy" shoes and socks and put the Feebe flats on. They were so cute, I didn't want to take them off. In fact, I felt like walking out in the open with them. I did not feel the usual "tension" or "guilt" I normally feel when I wore ladies' shoes. It seemed strangely "natural" like wearing my normal shoes. I've been enjoying ladies shoes off and on for 25 years, but it just felt different this time. I had a sensation that I was about to do something I had never done before...
I decided to drive on to another Payless with many large sizes about six or seven miles away. As I pulled up to the store, a decision had to be made: Go in with guy shoes or new flats? I started to reach for my old shoes, but the desire in me was burning WAY too strong. I walked in the store with my new brown Feebe flats. The apprehension I felt gradually melted away as I headed to the ladies' aisle and started browsing. The black guy didn't seem to have any problems with me wearing flats, he just offered assistance. This was an important hurdle to me because I was concerned how a guy would react to me rocking ladies' flats. I picked up the Feebe flats (in black this time) and the "Audrey" flats (in black with it's cute knot on the vamp), both in size 12 since 11 was too tight. He rang me up, and I was out the door after 20 minutes of browsing. A great experience! Once I got home, I discovered the Audrey flats were a little too big.
After work the next day, I went to the Payless located several blocks from where I live. They had a good selection of large sizes, but not nearly as big as the other two stores. The four pairs of shoes I bought the previous day were left home, so I walked in with regular shoes. I browsed the ladies' aisle, and I quickly found the Audrey flats in size 11 wide. I quickly and quietly tried them on with nobody seeing me. They fit perfect! Just what I needed. I took them to the counter and told the lady to hold them while I went home and got the size 12 Audrey's for an exchange. I rushed home, and was back in less than 15 minutes. I walked into the store (still in my guy shoes) and it seemed empty. I went to the employee's area in the back and yelled "hello". Out came a younger, college age girl of about 21 years old. I told her I came to exchange the two different size flats. She picks them off the counter behind the register and says 'DID YOU WANT TO TRY THEM ON?" My jaw dropped! We had never seen each other before, and I was totally dressed in "guy" clothes after work. I froze and thought to myself: What made her think I liked to wear ladies' shoes? Did it ever occur to her that the flats were for some lady in my life? HOW THE HELL DID SHE KNOW THESE WERE FOR ME????? This seemed like a replay of what Maribel said to me in January! After pulled myself together after this latest shock, I mumbled something like "yes, I'll try them" just to play along with the situation. So I took off my shoes and socks and put them on RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, the first time I ever did this. My voice shook as I said "sorry, I know I'm strange" in an apologetic tone. "It doesn't matter..." she said, as if she were wondering what big deal was. "Do they fit alright?" she asked. "Yes, they feel great" I said, still not believing what's happening. "I bought those flats myself" she revealed. What a rush! I nervously asked "Do you see other guys buying ladies shoes?" "Yeah, occasionally" she replied. She then took the old receipt and made the exchange in the register. I remember saying something like "thanks for understanding" and she saying "it's no problem" as we said our goodbyes. That experience simply blew me away. I never thought a day like this could come. I felt liberated in a way I've never felt before. I could just feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. With each step back to my car, I felt more and more emboldened. After 25 years, that monkey has started to climb off my back. I wanted to go to the shopping center around the block wearing my new Audrey flats, but it was still raining off and on, and the ground was still pretty wet. All that water would ruin the suede material of my flats. So I went back home....
And changed into my brown Feebe flats. From there, it was back to the shopping center and into the Target parking lot. I got out of my car and made my first tentative steps to a major large retail store. I was filled with nervous excitement as I went through the automatic sliding door into the red-themed retail giant. Each step was a revelation as I walked the white, polished floors. I absolutely loved the grip of the rubber sole of my new flats. Through out my life, I had ALWAYS wore socks with my shoes. I NEVER wore men's sandals or flip-flops of any kind. Never wore any footwear that exposed my feet. There was no particular reason for this. I had simply got into the habit of wearing socks and full-vamp shoes all my life. Now wearing these pretty low vamp flats was just as liberating to my feet as well as my mind. No one seemed to notice my flats as I casually strolled along to the shoe department (Target's shoes never fit
me) and the electronics area. In all, I stayed about 30 minutes and then went next door to Office Max. I pranced around that store for 20 minutes, but nobody noticed me there either. This is where I noticed a big attitude change for me. A little while earlier, I was hiding in Payless while trying ladies' shoes. Now I was getting somewhat diappointed that no one was noticing me! Or at least they just didn't say anything. An incredible day, just the same.
This day, September 8th 2010, will down as one of the most important days in my life. So important that I decided to start documenting my adventures in a personal text file called Liberation. I probably have about sixty or seventy stories like the one I just told you. I kept the journal up to about mid-2012. By that time I was getting tired commiting my stories to words because wearing flats (and occasionally wedges) had become so routine for me. This journal explains why you will see so many exact dates in the stories I tell in the future. Originally, I wrote this for my own personal reflection--a record of how a part of me has matured. But I have come to realize that there so many people like me, with similar stories and similar struggles like mine. I truly never thought that I would share this stuff publicly, but if I can make one soul out there feel a little better about themselves, then this will all be worth it. I don't want you to
be like me...waiting a quarter century to find shoe liberation. Get out there and DO IT! If you need advice, or maybe a little hand-holding all of us will be here for you to lean on. Thank god for the internet, thank god for the Experience Project, and most of all, thank god for all of YOU who reads this.
P.S. I am in the process of setting up my photo albums on my profile page so you can visualize the shoes that I wear and give your opinions on them. I wanted to post photos in this very story, but I'm not sure there's a way to make sure the pictures are placed correctly before I post the article for all to see. Stay tuned. Much, much more in the future!!
