Where I Stand
Part of becoming a man is figuring out who you are and learning to stand on your beliefs. To me, this isn't a man-versus-woman thing. It is a man-versus-boy thing.
I will say that I am not a feminist, nor am I a misogynist. I don't subscribe to political parties or someone else's belief system. I'm a loner. I do things on my own, and I help where I can. I'm not here to argue or debate what I believe, and I don't subscribe to ideas like all men are bad, all masculinity is toxic, or anything along those lines.
I try to look at things from multiple perspectives because I realize there is a lot of gray in many different issues. That is partly why I don't want to attach myself to the group mentality of being part of a movement. I will help where I can, especially with things I can actually reach out and touch. I don't want to just make a post or shout about something I don't like and then never actually do anything about it. I'm not here to white knight. I'm not here to simp.
I do consider myself an ally to women. Really, I consider myself an ally to all types of people, and to animals as well. I believe not just in equality, but also in equity. That doesn't mean I think people are unequal in value or worth. It means we aren't all identical. We are built differently inside and out, and because of that, different people can have different needs that should be considered if we want people to be healthy, safe, and happy.
For the most part, I believe everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness as long as they aren't harming anyone else.
And all of that brings me to what I actually want to say.
I care about this world. I care about the environment, and I care about other people having the safety and freedom to be who they want to be and participate in this world without being made to feel uncomfortable simply for existing in it.
Because of that, I am not going to make my space comfortable for other men to behave badly toward women. If you're doing it around me, I will call you out on your bullshit.
That includes stupid jokes that don't land. Shane Gillis recently joked that he "didn't know women just dressed like whores now" while talking about women at the gym. The response from some people is, "It's just a joke. Lighten up."
But my concern isn't really about the majority of people who can hear an offensive joke, laugh or not laugh, and move on with their lives. It is about the smaller number of people who already view women that way and can feel validated by a culture and environment where those attitudes are constantly treated as harmless.
The statistics are there. Harassment, sexual harassment, and violence against women are real problems. I don't think we should pretend that the environment we create around those behaviors doesn't matter.
Respect and consent matter even in situations some people dismiss as insignificant. If you send an explicit picture to someone through private messages without ever asking whether they want to see it, you are ignoring their consent. To me, that is sexually aggressive, boundary-violating behavior. The fact that it happens through a phone doesn't suddenly make consent irrelevant.
This isn't about saying nobody can joke or laugh. It isn't about treating every stupid comment like the end of the world. It is about the larger attitude behind things like, "She shouldn't have worn that," "She shouldn't have been there," or any of the other rhetoric that shifts responsibility onto women.
Throughout history, women have often been treated and viewed as lesser in many aspects of society, and some of those attitudes are still with us today. Even when we talk about world leaders, you still hear the argument that women are too emotional to make good leaders. Yet society has historically trusted women with an enormous responsibility: raising the next generation. At some point, that contradiction gets really old.
It also gets old when jokes and conversations group women together as though they share some kind of hive mentality instead of treating them as individuals. "Women do this." "Women think this." "Women are like that."
They are individual people.
Some of you here really need to take a step back and think about how you conduct yourself. Think about how you would speak to your mother, your sister, or your daughter. Then make that same change in how you conduct yourself toward another person here.
I will not make my space comfortable for you to treat women poorly.
I will say that I am not a feminist, nor am I a misogynist. I don't subscribe to political parties or someone else's belief system. I'm a loner. I do things on my own, and I help where I can. I'm not here to argue or debate what I believe, and I don't subscribe to ideas like all men are bad, all masculinity is toxic, or anything along those lines.
I try to look at things from multiple perspectives because I realize there is a lot of gray in many different issues. That is partly why I don't want to attach myself to the group mentality of being part of a movement. I will help where I can, especially with things I can actually reach out and touch. I don't want to just make a post or shout about something I don't like and then never actually do anything about it. I'm not here to white knight. I'm not here to simp.
I do consider myself an ally to women. Really, I consider myself an ally to all types of people, and to animals as well. I believe not just in equality, but also in equity. That doesn't mean I think people are unequal in value or worth. It means we aren't all identical. We are built differently inside and out, and because of that, different people can have different needs that should be considered if we want people to be healthy, safe, and happy.
For the most part, I believe everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness as long as they aren't harming anyone else.
And all of that brings me to what I actually want to say.
I care about this world. I care about the environment, and I care about other people having the safety and freedom to be who they want to be and participate in this world without being made to feel uncomfortable simply for existing in it.
Because of that, I am not going to make my space comfortable for other men to behave badly toward women. If you're doing it around me, I will call you out on your bullshit.
That includes stupid jokes that don't land. Shane Gillis recently joked that he "didn't know women just dressed like whores now" while talking about women at the gym. The response from some people is, "It's just a joke. Lighten up."
But my concern isn't really about the majority of people who can hear an offensive joke, laugh or not laugh, and move on with their lives. It is about the smaller number of people who already view women that way and can feel validated by a culture and environment where those attitudes are constantly treated as harmless.
The statistics are there. Harassment, sexual harassment, and violence against women are real problems. I don't think we should pretend that the environment we create around those behaviors doesn't matter.
Respect and consent matter even in situations some people dismiss as insignificant. If you send an explicit picture to someone through private messages without ever asking whether they want to see it, you are ignoring their consent. To me, that is sexually aggressive, boundary-violating behavior. The fact that it happens through a phone doesn't suddenly make consent irrelevant.
This isn't about saying nobody can joke or laugh. It isn't about treating every stupid comment like the end of the world. It is about the larger attitude behind things like, "She shouldn't have worn that," "She shouldn't have been there," or any of the other rhetoric that shifts responsibility onto women.
Throughout history, women have often been treated and viewed as lesser in many aspects of society, and some of those attitudes are still with us today. Even when we talk about world leaders, you still hear the argument that women are too emotional to make good leaders. Yet society has historically trusted women with an enormous responsibility: raising the next generation. At some point, that contradiction gets really old.
It also gets old when jokes and conversations group women together as though they share some kind of hive mentality instead of treating them as individuals. "Women do this." "Women think this." "Women are like that."
They are individual people.
Some of you here really need to take a step back and think about how you conduct yourself. Think about how you would speak to your mother, your sister, or your daughter. Then make that same change in how you conduct yourself toward another person here.
I will not make my space comfortable for you to treat women poorly.
