Men ...and their crap.. pfft

So my friend is married to this man, who seems to be good and kind to her... BUT, the thing is, he doesn't give her much freedom. She couldn't go to her sister birthday because it was held at a cafe and her sister's male friends were attending.. She is not allowed to travel alone... She was not allowed to have a male trainer for her horse riding lessons.. and Idk what else she is not allowed to do or have.. I do not know if this makes him a bad man... I mean, when I said he is good or kind, I meant that he treats her nicely, is not violent or aggressive, and is understanding, BUT he still restricts her..

This is what I always thought about Arab men.. They are not all bad as such.. Many of them are responsible and kind on many levels.. but when it comes to the personal freedom of a woman, it is just taken for granted that it is under their discretion, and to me, there is something terribly wrong with that.. But to them and to many women, it is normal! He is not doing anything wrong. It is why I never wanted to get married.. I am sure not ALL of them are as such, but I can say probably the majority is.

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HannibalAteMeOut · 22-25, F

I can't imagine living like this. I've heard stuff like "Oh he doesn't let me wear that skirt" or "He's not going to let me stay out so late" and I find them extreme. Not even my own father would restrict me like that. It's sad to see it and not being able to say anything because it's "normal".

BittersweetPotato · 31-35, F

@HannibalAteMeOut Some women in my society even like it when women restrict their clothing.. so it isn't just normal, but it is also encouraged sometimes..

HannibalAteMeOut · 22-25, F

@BittersweetPotato yeah I've totally come across women like that too.... very disturbing to think about. It makes me mad.

bijouxbroussard · F

I’d see him as an insecure man. I met a man when I was in college whose culture involved keeping strict control over women. He had been raised to view it as "cherishing and protecting", but I couldn’t see that as any kind of life for a human being with her own ambitions and dreams. So we quickly parted ways.

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HannibalAteMeOut · 22-25, F

@BittersweetPotato I've seen some women who even "tease" their men that they're going out or they're going to wear something revealing only to test if they will react in a jealous/controlling way because they enjoy it, it's like a game to them. But the thing is when they willingly give them this much of control, it gets out of hand. And then we have murders and honor killings and what not...

bijouxbroussard · F

@BittersweetPotato It wasn’t that long ago that I occasionally heard women I considered otherwise intelligent say that when a man "loves" you he might hit you if you upset him—and long as it’s on your butt it’s okay. WTF !

I’ve never seen my father strike my mother ever and he was the one who first told me, "if a guy hits you, no second chances ! Because it’s not going to be just that one time—regardless of what he promises." It’s not talked about, but I strongly suspect his father (my grandfather) was not always very nice.

BittersweetPotato · 31-35, F

@HannibalAteMeOut I just wrote a post about honour killing.. My colleague said something very dumb about how Arab men are real men because they can't tolerate infidelity to the level of killing 🤷‍♀️

DrWatson · 70-79, M

It seems to me that in your heart, you have already moved to Canada.

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

Culture, insecurity and possessiveness are all probably factors. Plus fear of being humiliated if another male makes a gossipy remark about his wife being somewhere that other men are and she is not with him.

Viper · M

So sorry :(

Sounds like he doesn't trust other males around her...

Subsumedpat · 36-40, M

You don't have to do what she did.

BittersweetPotato · 31-35, F

@Subsumedpat Of course I won't 🤷‍♀️

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