Marshmallow Convoy Hijacked

Marshmallow Convoy Ambushed in Coordinated Haggis Raid

Authorities have confirmed that a highly organised group of wild haggis carried out a precision sneak attack on a convoy transporting freshly harvested marshmallows to factories across the country.

The operation began on a remote stretch of motorway, where haggis operatives constructed makeshift blockades using stacked whisky crates. Moments before the convoy arrived, empty whisky bottles were smashed across the carriageway, instantly shredding tyres and bringing the marshmallow filled lorries to a juddering halt.

Armed security on board were quickly overwhelmed, subdued, and tied up using what witnesses described as “surprisingly professional knots.”
Drivers were detained without injury and politely told to “nae panic.”

With the convoy immobilised, additional whisky crates were rolled into place behind the lorries, blocking any chance of rescue. What followed was described by investigators as “disturbingly efficient.”

Hundreds of haggis descended on the trucks in tight formation, unloading the giant marshmallows piece by piece. Each haggis carried a single portion, scurrying off into the surrounding hills with military precision.
Observers say it was clear the plan had been rehearsed for years.

As the final truck was being cleared, a second and third wave of haggis poured over the ridgelines, ensuring no marshmallow was left behind.

Within ten minutes, every vehicle stood empty.
By the time authorities arrived, the haggis had vanished into the distance, leaving behind only abandoned lorries, shredded tyres, broken whisky bottles, and one truck spray painted with the message,
“THE HAGGIS BANDITS STRIKE AGAIN.”

Officials now believe the same group may be responsible for the infamous Louvre Heist, citing the identical use of diversion tactics, teamwork, and an unsettling knowledge of logistics.

The marshmallows have not been recovered.

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