“Caught in a Trap, Elvis the Man Haggis Has Left the Highlands (Temporarily)”
A man who identifies as a Highland haggis and goes by the name Elvis has found himself unexpectedly caught up in this year’s January Haggis Hunt after being “caught in a trap” and subsequently shot in the arse during a case of mistaken identity in the glens.
Despite being injured, Elvis refused hospital treatment, instead shouting “why me, Lord?” to anyone within earshot before insisting on being transferred to Highland Veterinary Services, where staff confirmed he would be treated with “a little less conversation” and a lot more hay, straw and gentle reassurance. He is said to be recovering well, though still “all shook up” by the incident.
While the episode has sparked ridicule from some quarters, Elvis remains defiant, insisting this is “my way” of living. He says he prefers the companionship of the haggis community, “where no one stands alone”, and admits that while he “got lucky”, he fully intends to return to the wild once his injuries have healed, although he concedes he’s feeling “tender” for now.
Elvis also had a message for hunters this January, “don’t be cruel.” He urged them to let the haggis live in “peace in the valley”, adding that after the shooting many haggis are now surviving January with “suspicious minds”.
Following his release from the veterinary practice, Elvis has reportedly booked himself into the “heartbreak hotel”, stressing that he didn’t mean to cause any “trouble”.
Police Scotland have since issued assurances that they will stop hunters “trying to get to you”, stating that Elvis should not have to “surrender” his beliefs. Officers confirmed it’s perfectly acceptable for him to “just pretend”, though they did recommend he carry a “good luck charm” going forward.
As Elvis insists on heading back toward the hills, one thing is clear, despite hunt risks, the haggis community hasn’t left the Highlands… and Elvis most certainly hasn’t either
Elvis is sorely missed in the glens... Sweet the laverock's note an lang, Liltin wildly up the glen; Aye tae me he sings a sang, "When will ye come back again?"
