The secretive Hagguminati have moved early this year, striking before the January Haggi Hunt could get into the full swing of things.
In a chilling reversal of roles, the shadowy group claim to have captured a known hunter and released the above image as a warning to all would be hunters in the lead up to Burns Night.
According to the statement, the poacher is being held “comfortably, but nervously,” while negotiations take place.
The Hagguminati’s demands are simple... An immediate end to the Haggi Hunt. No traps. No snares. No excuses. Should hunters agree to the terms laid out, the captive will be released unharmed and returned with a stern lecture, a mild hangover, and a lifelong fear of rustling bushes.
However, failure to comply will result in the Hagguminati “dining like kings on Burns Night” a phrase experts believe is intentionally vague, but deeply unsettling.
Authorities have declined to comment, while sources close to the Highlands report increased chanting, flickering candlelight in the glens, and an unusual shortage of neeps. The Hagguminati remind all hunters, The hills have eyes. The haggis have plans
