🎄🚨 CHRISTMAS IS BACK ON – HAGGIS SPOTTED OVER SYDNEY 🚨🎄
Christmas is officially happening.
Reports from Down Under confirm Rùadholf and the Highland Haggis Sleigh Team have been spotted tearing across the Sydney Opera House, marking the first confirmed Southern Hemisphere delivery.
But it hasn’t been smooth sailing.
First, there was “The Incident” over New Zealand. Upon arrival above Auckland, the haggis became convinced they’d accidentally circled back to Scotland.
“All we saw was sheep and rain,” Rùadholf was heard saying. “Thought we’d overshot and landed in Aberdeen.”
The confusion ended the moment a local opened his mouth. The accent caused immediate panic and one haggis broke formation to land and ask a sheep for directions back to Glasgow. The sheep did not respond. The haggis remains adamant it was being rude.
Then they hit Australia.
Doorbell cameras captured the chaos. One household left out Tim Tams and Foster’s. The haggis took one look, kicked the plate off the doorstep, and made a noise like a Scotsman being offered Pepsi instead of Irn-Bru.
Then the turf war started.
A mob of Australian kangaroos spotted the sleigh and took it as a declaration of war. A full-scale aerial brawl erupted at 40mph, witnesses described it as “the most violent thing involving Australia since the Emu War.”
Rùadholf headbutted the lead kangaroo. It backed down. Christmas continued.
But now there’s a critical problem. ⚠
After launching from the North Pole with barely enough fuel, the haggis are running on fumes — sustained so far by whisky vapours, Teacake crumbs, and The Proclaimers’ 500 Miles stuck on repeat. The tank is nearly empty.
The Americas, Africa, and half of Europe are still waiting.
Santa has issued an EMERGENCY DIRECTIVE to every household:
“Tonight, you MUST leave out Tunnock’s Teacakes and whisky. Wrappers off to save time. NO CARROTS. They will riot.”
If we don’t refuel these increasingly feral haggis, billions of children wake up to nothing.
Rùadholf’s nose is dimming. The fate of Christmas now rests entirely on Scotland and the rest of the world, doing their bit.
I have done according to your guidelines and left a full bottle of finest Scotch whisky on the porch. Sorry but my finances will not let me do more than that. I already had to break my piggy bank but for the Scottish haggis, I will go to great lengths to help wherever I can.
What is the time frame for their return? Past that time frame, I shall consume that beverage myself.
Apologies for not having the decency to attach a picture of some sort but I am on a voyage myself and have no access to my usual database.
I just spotted Santa's sleigh as it landed in Australia, coming straight from the North Pole and bypassing New Zealand. There is definitely something fishy in your story...
