In a bold move to keep Scotland safe from any future world wars, officials have upgraded the famous Falkirk Kelpies with state of the art laser eyes.
The Kelpie looking skyward has been designated Air Defence Unit Alpha, capable of frying anything from hostile drones and fighter jets to seagulls trying to nick your chips. Meanwhile, the Kelpie glaring downwards is Ground Defence Unit Bravo, primed to vaporise tanks, stray shopping trolleys, and any tourist who dares call a loch a lake.
A spokesperson from the Scottish Department of Ridiculously Over the Top Defences, Lieutenant Neighserbeam stated,
“If World War 3 ever kicks off, Scotland will be ready. The Kelpies will act as the first and last line of defence, plus they just look pure mental with lasers.”
Early tests have been mostly successful, although one laser malfunction may have been responsible for causing the fire on Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh over the weekend, However these reports are unconfirmed.
Locals are said to be fully on board with the upgrade, and have called for the Kelpies to also be specially programmed to target Scotland’s most persistent airborne menaces, the midges, in an effort to protect both the population and visiting tourists. However, they’ve urged the programmers to double check the spelling of that targeting command very carefully… just to avoid any little misunderstandings.
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