A Pod of Dogphins Spotted Off Scottish Coast, Scientists Baffled, Locals Delighted. In a discovery that has left marine biologists questioning their entire education and locals reaching for binoculars and dog biscuits, a pod of dogphins, alleged hybrids of dogs and dolphins, has been spotted frolicking off the coast of Scotland near Oban.
Eyewitnesses report the creatures have “the joyful bark of a Labrador and the sleek body of a dolphin, with the added bonus of occasionally fetching driftwood mid leap.” One elderly fisherman claimed, “I saw it with my own eyes, one of them did a backflip and then begged for a treat.” The Royal Scottish Institute of Marine Peculiarity has yet to confirm the genetic authenticity of the dogphins, but did release a statement saying, “At this point, we’ve stopped asking questions. If Nessie has a cousin with flippers and a tennis ball obsession, we welcome it.”
Tourism has boomed overnight. T-shirts now bear slogans like ‘I threw a stick, and a dogphin brought back my supper’. One hotel has started offering “splash-and-sit” boat rides, where guests can witness the dogphins perform synchronized tail wags and occasional belly rub requests. Recently, a startup called Sniffari Submarine Tours (run by a collaboration of retired lifeguards and suspiciously enthusiastic golden retrievers) has begun offering underwater viewing expeditions to witness what locals are calling barkquatics.
However, tensions are rising. A spokesphin for the dogphins, translated via bark to sonar software, issued a warning, unless they receive proper royalties and treat based compensation, they will “unleash the kraken”, believed to be either a mythical sea monster or a very large, very annoyed Newfoundland sub species. Local government officials are scrambling to draft the world’s first Inter species Aquatic Licensing & Biscuit Compensation Bill, but negotiations have stalled over the dogphins' demand for “belly rub breaks every 20 minutes and access to a floating squeaky toy island.” Scientists warn that while the creatures appear friendly, “they may try to herd kayaks like sheep, and no one is quite sure how to train them not to jump into boats and nap on deck.”
Meanwhile, local dogs are reportedly conflicted, some intrigued, some jealous, and others simply confused by the prospect of swimming being considered a job.
Isn't it amazing that their skin is still dry after having been underwater. Those Dogphins are believed to have a very similar water repelling coating like penguins have.
As a matter of fact, they are very closely related to the Emperor penguins of the Aptenodytes genus that roam the waters in your lattitudes.
Now you got me. CrossFit for the body and stories like this for the mind. Now I want to think up doppy stories while working with those bands Lol. They're helping by the way.
