Haggisland Forever

BREAKING: Haggis Launch Protest Against Flamingo Land Invasion. “Ye Can Build Yer Flamingos, But No Over Ma Whisky Pipes!”

Tensions are bubbling like a deep fried Irn Bru boil at Loch Lomond, as Scotland’s native haggis population has launched a full scale protest against the controversial Flamingo Land development. According to spokeshaggis Hamish McSporran, the proposed resort “cuts right through the ancient underground alcohol distribution network, a vital lifeline that keeps haggis hydrated with Buckfast, Glenfiddich, and the tears of disappointed tourists.”

The haggis union (Tartan Underground Resistance of Dram Soaked Haggi – TURDSH for short) say the development will devastate not only one of the country’s most scenic natural areas, but also their centuries old whisky pipeline system, which has operated quietly beneath the hills since the Battle of Bannockburn. “Loch Lomond isnae Disnaeland!” shouted one furious haggis, waving a flaming scotch egg at council officials. “It’s a sacred land of drams, dooks and majestic pishin’ views!”

But the haggis are not unreasonable. In a bold counterproposal, they’ve agreed to allow the development under a few conditions,
The park must be renamed “Haggisland”, with a 12-foot bronze statue of Big Aggie the Matriarch Haggis at the gates
All flamingos must be trained to deliver whisky to passing hikers, The haggis get full creative control of the rides, including “The Drambusters Log Flume”, “The Glen Roller” "The Motorboater Rollercoaster" and “Escape from the Deep Fried Bunker”

A final warning from the protest leader, “Push this through without our consent, and Flamingo Land will become Flaming-Gone Land.”
Support the haggis. Say nay tae plastic birds, and aye tae pints wi a view.