The Premature Rebellion

"May the Third Be Wi’ Ye" the Scottish Star Wars that Disney disnae want ye to see.

Today, we honour the Premature Rebellion, the brave but disorganised heroes who showed up a day early and accidentally started a smaller, much pettier galactic civil war.

Yoda Sellsavon: "Arrive too soon, I did."

Obi-Wan McGregor: "The Force moves in mysterious and badly scheduled ways."

Da’h Fàder: "Ah've come tae defeat ye, but apparently ma calendar's aff."

Princess Laldi: "For the Premature Rebellion! Gie it laldy!"

Hagg Solo: "Ah'm no even meant tae be here the day. Wur meant tae pick up buckfast, no rebels."

Chewbawbag (a Wookie wi’ an attitude): "Raaaaargh... ye what? Speak properly, ya bawbag!"

Luke Skitterwalker: "Skitters happen, but we push oan."

Meanwhile, the Haggwoks have already built a siege catapult oot o’ Irn-Bru cans and scaffy old shopping trolleys. Hagg Solo’s ship, The Millennium Falcan’t, remains barely spaceworthy but gallus as ever. The Premature Rebellion’s official motto:
"We strike back before the Empire’s even oot their beds."