Sinking one's own reputation - 3

To be sure everything is an experience. There was this job that I wanted to be taken in consideration for once, well, actually till late I still had hope. It's now almost a decade ago that I felt that I needed to step up and do the right thing yet again for my community and for God. I've done that most of my life, but today I know that my path has gone in yet another way again. I've knocked four times now at the same door and although everyone said that I'm the perfect candidate for the job there's now little chance of me getting it. The first time I trusted the person who needed to put me forward completely, but he didn't dare tell me that I had no chance. The second was someone who couldn't see past her own bigotry and actually tried to blackmail me with my own desire to get the job. The third one was even more screwy and didn't even believe in the existance of the job in the first place. I was offered a lesser one then but I felt that wasn't the purpose of my suffering up to date nor the original idea for me to put my name forward. I didn't do it for the prestige afterall but to serve in the only way that I know and that's from the front. Recently I've come to experience for the four time that everything will amount to nothing yet again. There's only prayer left. Even when the Church itself is losing its way. But there's prayer left, yes, in any form possible. The turning to God is so diverse and one feels that daily. Perhaps God wanted me to feel such a failure first before he could accept me ever to Paradise which would be indeed in line of his humor all along. I'm not alone in my thoughts, I know that. Why am I sharing this? Because plenty of people on here think that they know everything and don't know anything. I know that I don't know it all, and that's my sole advance. For the rest the world is a cruel one if one lets it become that. My reputation may have been damaged after the whole experience, but I haven't changed in my core believes. What are my believes? One is a christian by trying to be one every moment of the day, and thus avoiding dying after death. Here the Trinity is at the core of it, and the Holy Spirit really doesn't come down from heaven but every christian needs to get it from inside their own being by participating in the whole of God's creation. Perhaps wisedom isn't all, but believe is that neither. At this point very religious people do tend to fall down too, I must be honest. The Trinity itself points us to three important elements for a good life: knowledge, humility and faith. Moreover, I never believed that anyone could nor should have the power and might to recieve the total understanding of what God is about, nor that anyone will be able to achieve that on their own. Prayer is to praise, repent, ask and then yield. Praise and repentance comes first, and we ask because we believe in God's love. Love begets love. That should strengthen us in any deep valley indeed despite the many difficult issues confronting us daily [media=https://youtu.be/xBRvSdXqIIs]