I Am Not Ashamed Of The Gospel Of Jesus Christ

Healing for Damaged Emotions
Growing up with Conditional Love

If you constantly heard the following,when you were being raised
under conditional love:

1. You will be loved "if".
2. We will accept and approve you "when"
3. You will be loved "because of"....." if you "


Growing up with statements like this, causes a child to never be able to
measure up, they never feel they are accepted and loved, they are always
trying to find a way to receive the love that they crave and need to be whole.
It is like that love is just out of reach, and unobtainable.

One young man growing up in the church, and hearing what he should be there,
and at home, being told if...he would be....then....he would be loved, created a
great confusion within his heart and mind, causing depression, and then guilt
plagued him, because of the depression that he could not rid himself of.
He could find no way out of this delima, without professional help.

This affected his relationships, because he would enter into them for the
wrong reasons. He had a pattern of using the girls he came in contact with
to help him pull out of his depression, and he understood what he was doing,
and that it was wrong, so this further compounded his problem.

In a situation like this, feelings are shut down, one is not allowed to actually
feel ....because if they did, they would have to do some changeing, and
until they are away from the ones who are propagating this message of
conditional love, they do not feel free to express how they actually feel,
therefore their feelings are suppressed, leading to more difficulty later on.

When a child is taught to supress their feelings, they grow into an adult
with no feelings... they are so deeply buried, they cannot get in touch with
them. Some live their whole lives this way. It is a fearful thing to them, to
even think about getting in touch with how they actually feel. This may
cause great difficulty in their interpersonal relationships, and esp. if
they marry, at some point their spouse is going to realize and
understand what is going on, and resent it terribly, because feelings
should be a normal part of a persons life, and they should be able to
express them as need be.

As a person who has been raised in this manner comes in contact
with the grace that Christ freely gives, they feel it is too good to be
true, but, if they have a mentor that can and will keep reminding them
of what Christ has truly done for each and everyone of us, by taking
all that we are, and giving us all that he is, thereby infusing us with
the grace that only he can give.

Depression begins to lessen, as the love begins to cover, it begins
to drop off, like dead leaves on a tree, falling to the ground,
harmless to do no more destruction, releasing the captive that it had
previously held. Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye who labor, and
are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you,
for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

It is Christ's desire to make us whole, and he does that little by
little, as we come to him, and offer up all that is within us, he begins
his transforming work within, thru the power of the Holy Spirit, the
one who sticks closer than a brother, and promises to never leave
us nor to forsake us. We then begin to see what it means to be
loved unconditionally, just for who we are, not what we can be.

Christ teaches acceptance..... and he promises to do the work
within that we are in need of, to be free from all the old tapes of
the past, pushing us into despair, by demanding that we be what
we cannot be, and that is perfect. Christ was the only perfect man,
and only thru him, and the work that he did on Calvary, can we
truly be free.