I Love Jesus Christ

For a few years I've been struggling with my marriage. I am bitter towards my husband for him ignoring my needs for so long. I am spent. When I am the one putting forth all the effort in the marriage, it's draining. We've been together a very long time (25 years) and it's not the fairy tale they taught you growing up- you know, the happily ever after story.

However, in reflecting this morning, the verses of 1 Cor 13 came to mind. If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am nothing. .. If I give all I have to feed the poor, and have not love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

If I continue this bitterness.. then I really feel I'm not operating with love. So, that leaves me torn. Is emotional neglect a form of abuse? Abuse is never right, but the Bible says a woman shall not divorce her husband. And to top it all off, I am a woman who is stubborn and sees good in all things. My word is good and I have character. but on the other hand, Jesus dusted off His sandals and walked away.

You know what the inherent problem with marriage is? Spouses are human. I'm choosing to approach in love- no matter where that takes me.

God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of love and a sound mind. 1Tim 1:7
I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you, and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future, plans for peace and love, and not of trouble. I am the God who watches over you. Jer. 29:11

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trackman11 · 61-69, M

I Cor 13 (the love chapter) speaks of what we should strive for. Noone is perfect so I believe this is an ongoing struggle even for those who are committed to loving that way. Paul talks to the Corinthians who are in the middle of persecution and he is talking about how we should live life. As Jesus said, "love your enemies".

There is a difference between loving someone and allowing them to take advantage of you in any way. You can actually do both. To love someone is not to just get along, but to hold them accountable. In some cases to allow them to face consequences. You see, if your husband is neglecting you emotionally he is the one who is doing something wrong. He is not living up to his vows. Whether you divorce or not is of course a very personal decision, but you shouldn't allow him to continue to break those vows without consequence. There are times when true love requires tough love and even a permanent seperation.

Your faith is admirable and your desire to do the "right thing" is wise. But be careful not to take verses and chapters out of context even to punish yourself. The context of the Bible is that God wants to have a personal relationship with you. He challenges you to imitate his love which of course is divinely unconditional and frankly impossible. But Paul in Philippians chapter 3 points out that he too failed in all of these things, but he chooses not to give up.

My point is that in the case you described, love is not limited to accepting things the way they are. I encourage you to challenge his behavior, but beyond that hold him accountable for the vows he made to you 25 years ago.

JoyEla · 46-50, F

@trackman11 thank you. VERY much.

trackman11 · 61-69, M

@JoyEla Sorry it was so long. I hope you find clarity. :)

xinbaba · 61-69, M

Does he know he is not meeting your needs? Guys are relationship-stupid. He probably thinks if he is bringing in money and taking out the garbage he is a good husband. I had a friend go through breast cancer a few years ago. Her husband responded by working more hours,which left him coming home late, dead-tired and crawling into bed. He thought he was helping by making more money to pay the bills. She thought he was insensitive to let her go through cancer alone. Communication!

JoyEla · 46-50, F

@xinbaba He's been bluntly told for a very long time. Yesterday we had a "come to Jesus" talk. I told him flatly that I wasn't happy with him. I told him why and what I needed from him. He said I had said this to him before. I just looked at him increduously. I said, well, if you haven't changed, then obviously nothing has changed in that department. He actually was crying by the time I was done with the talk with him. I have never seen him break like that- I did not comfort him, though. I was hurting myself. I love him, but I can't let him continue to think this is ok.

LunarOrbit · 56-60, M

You deserve to be happy.

Hope you see that someday

Mikemcneil · 61-69, M

Neglect in a marriage is certainly abuse. If you were divorce minded, and I understand why you're not, it would be classed as unreasonable behaviour a day form grounds for divorce. I suggest prayer

Classified · M

Your resolve is strong.
Don't do this alone though. :)

Fernie · F

the buybull is anti-woman...wake up!

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