Hidding from my pedophile creep reptilian narcissist sexist father

He was literally stalking me at the park I wantto cut myself god pls avenge mekill. Him or kill me I can’t be strong anymore

For a sec I lost the plot been a year numbed and my brain is now recovered from all those pills they forced on me. He ruined my mothers life since I was little now he wants to ruin mine guess he already did wish I was at the mountain rn I will go tomorrow but I have no money for the entrance and I don’t want to fucking talk to him and ask him for anything cus that’s what he wants rather starve and hide forever and hopefully die but I really want to go to my mountain my phone will die soon and I will have to go back to the fucking house and be strong as always and have faith god will avenge me but it’s so fucking hellish to be alive like this I feel like a fucking mannequin living a lie while being stolen of my true identity behind this fucking armor im so scared all the time and numbly sad and hopeless glad i could cry it all out today and be in tune with my heart some rats just want to take ur identity and soul cus they are fucking gross he starts to copy all I do and even steals my music and starts to eat what I eat it’s so fucking gross to be alive wish my cat was still alive replacing him it’s impossible he has cameras everywhere always lurking what I’m doing it’s terrible he installed gps in my car too and insults all my friends to the point I’m already in 100 %isolation he threatens insults controls and manipulates like he did to my mom now he enjoys doing it to me it’s fucking 🤮 he planned this all along to isolate me for himself 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 I escaped once but my plan failed sadly all men are starting to creep me out honestly I don’t care about having a bf anymore I just want to die any guy who ever got close to me he insulted him bullied him and would torment me while hanging out with him in the phone threatening me he is very rich and never allows me to dress nicely I have very few cloths with holes and all the few cash he gives me I use it for food on the weekend and to pay for my shampoos always in the limit never allows me to save money cus he dosnt want me to escape again if I don’t talk to him he takes my money away his room is next to mine and his office below my room I always hear his shit he is watching I have no privacy .. I had a job once and he insulted me for it and would take my car away from me just as he did while I was studing in school. I think I’m going insane of how painful this is personally I don’t give a fuck about u r advices and u comparing my life to the Syrian and shit or homeless people I’d go homeless but I’m afraid to get kidnapped and eaten by cannibals. Jobs here in Mexico won’t pay shit for anything for me to make it out so keep it shitty advices to urself I won’t move in with a guy to get fucked daily and then abandoned and worse pregnant happy to die a virgin I’m 100 celibate I never masturbate and I’m happy about this all I do is go to the gym and hike daily and pray to god and connect with nature outside do my hair and moon gaze I study all the time to keep my mind away from the reality I’m in but yea we all have our own hell better be in my own hell than someone else’s heaven fantasy and my rage are my only friends .. fuck he enjoys this so much is disgusting he has fun with it and no I’m not a lesbian I’m basically a Nazi because of people like him anyway glad I could document this in case they erase my brain again. I’ll start cutting again like when I was a teen tonight .. bye yea my mom is so poor had no choice but to be on his side and send me to a mental hospital last . time I stopped talking to them and stopped to eat . The further I am from that creep the more alive I feel