The problem isnt that I don't believe in God , its that I don't understand him.
Everyone says lean on God
Go to church
Trust in Him.
Have faith in Him.
Believe in Him.
I did all these things.
I leaned on God
I went to Church
I trusted Him.
I had faith in Him
I believed in Him.
Then I started listening.
"God never gives you more than you can handle" when i was 8 years old after leaning on the church after being abused. - You know what? God expects a lot out of an 8 year old.
I opened up in group therapy at Church - i discussed my trauma after being raped, and was informed God would not have let that happened if it wasn't for your own good - so I deserved to have the worst night of my life happen to me?
I trusted God - He had a reason - and I was able to put up with a lot, until it finally became hard times, and trauma over and over.
I had faith - that if I kept believing in him that it would get easier for me, that one day it wouldn't hurt so much to keep living.
I believed in Him - but the belief that he was a good thing - changed to a bad thing.
