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Pema Chodron on Loving-kindness

A short "sermon" on maitri (loving-kindness) by Pema Chodron..

When people start to meditate or to work with any kind of spiritual discipline, they often think that somehow they're going to improve, which is a sort of subtle aggression against who they really are. It's a bit like saying, "If I jog, I'll be a much better person." "If I could only get a nicer house, I'd be a better person." "If I could meditate and calm down, I'd be a better person." Or the scenario may be that they find fault with others; they might say, "If it weren't for my husband, I'd have a perfect marriage." "If it weren't for the fact that my boss and I don't get on, my job would be just great." And "If it weren't for my mind, my meditation would be excellent."

But loving-kindness - "maitri" - towards ourselves doesn't mean getting rid of anything. "Maitri" means we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to change ourselves. Meditation practice is not about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already. The ground of practice is you or me or whoever we are right now, just as we are. That's the ground, that's what we study, that's what we come to know with tremendous curiosity and interest.

Sometimes among Buddhists the word "ego" is used in a derogatory sense, with a different connotation than the Freudian term. As Buddhists, we might say, "Well, then, we're supposed to get rid of it, right? Then there'd be no problem." On the contrary, the idea isn't to get rid of the ego but actually to begin to take an interest in ourselves, to investigate and be inquisitive about ourselves.



We can still be crazy after all these years........😀
Quite a view ironies in those paragraphs.

Being fully in the present moment means feelings and emotions often pass quite quickly, which means negative are far less likely to stick or fester. This in turn leads to becoming a more relaxed and flexible person who can usually respond consciously and appropriately in the present moment. And, over a lifetime, that does lead to developing more self understanding and acceptance, more empathy and warmth towards others. Old conditionings will still come up, but decrease in strength.

Our basic temperament and persona don't change much; we will seem pretty much the same to others.
The "ego" or sense of self or identity is neither good nor bad. It's a necessity. Imagine signing a tax form without being able to sign and prove your identity. How would we know when someone wants us unless they email us, call out our name or dial our number? How do we recognize one another without a face? Learn each others preferences and needs without the ability to respect the reality of individual differences? Ego can be a useful construct

However, the Buddhist principle of Anata or No-Self
SW-User
More from Pema Chodron:-

Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognise our shared humanity

We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.
SW-User
A couple of pictures...




 
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