WEST COAST — In a move described as “groundbreaking, feather-forward conservation,” the Department of Conservation has announced a new mindfulness and emotional regulation programme for kea, following a sharp rise in what officials call “unprocessed feelings leading to roof-ripping incidents.”
The initiative, called Kea Calm Minds, aims to help the notoriously cheeky alpine parrots better recognise their impulses before shredding car roofs, stealing tramping boots, or unzipping backpacks to redistribute snacks.
DOC spokesperson Tim Tambikky said the programme was inspired by “a desire to help kea express themselves in healthier ways.” “Ripping the rubber off a rental car roof isn’t malicious behaviour,” Tambikky explained. “It’s a cry for help — or at least for stimulation. These birds need tools, grounding exercises, and the occasional therapeutic screech.”
Programme Highlights
Guided breathing sessions led by wildlife rangers
Feather-friendly yoga poses like “Downward-Facing Kea” and “The Alpine Stretch”
Reflective squawking circles
Behaviour-chart system where kea earn stickers for every hour they go without vandalising a vehicle
Early trials near Arthur’s Pass have produced mixed results. One ranger reported a breakthrough moment with a young kea named Trevor:
“He took three deep breaths, paused, and almost chose not to peel the windscreen wipers off a Toyota. Then he did it anyway — but more gently. That’s progress.”
Local resident Sam Whichpres, whose car has been targeted “approximately 17 times,” was sceptical. “Mindfulness? For kea? Mate, these birds don’t need therapy — they need a hobby that isn’t wrecking my ute.”
Greymouth tradie Mike Hunthurtz shared a similar sentiment:
“I watched a kea drag a roof box off a tourist’s car last weekend. If that was ‘emotionally unregulated,’ I don’t want to see what they do once they’re centred.”
Despite public concern, DOC insists the programme will continue as part of a nationwide push to support “the emotional wellbeing of native species.”
Tambikky remains optimistic.
“Kea are intelligent, sensitive, curious beings. If they can learn to dismantle a satellite dish in under six minutes, they can certainly learn deep breathing.”
The next phase of the programme will include optional conflict-resolution workshops, where kea practice negotiating for food instead of stealing it.
“Ultimately,” Tambikky said, “we want kea to ask themselves a simple question before tearing a roof off: Is this action aligned with my highest self?” Whether the birds agree remains to be seen.
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Hmm, we are a step further on the old continent (not the UK) and while your kea did did drag a roof box, ours are building their own thanks to the genius invention of one of its Swedish ancestors that was way ahead of its time.
"Do It Yourself" was its motto and what was said was done...
