📰 DOC Ranger Apologises to Kea After Using ‘Bird’ — Term Deemed Too Species-Specific
Arthurs Pass- The Department of Conservation (DOC) has issued a formal apology to the native kea population after a ranger referred to one of the cheeky alpine parrots as a “bird.”
The incident occurred earlier this week during a guided walk, when local DOC ranger Oliver Sutton reportedly told a group of tourists to “watch out for those birds nicking your snacks.”
Moments later, a visiting university student from Wellington lodged a complaint, calling the term “outdated, exclusionary, and rooted in colonial ornithology.”
DOC has since confirmed that Sutton has undergone a “species sensitivity session” and will now refer to kea as “beak-enabled sky entities.”
“We recognise that language evolves,” said DOC spokesperson Dr. Shay Verbush. “It’s vital that our terminology reflects the lived experience of our feathered cohabitants. The term ‘bird’ imposes a human classification system on creatures who have not consented to it.”
Sutton, who has worked for DOC for 14 years and once had his lunch stolen mid-bite by a kea named Gary, says the apology has been “a learning curve.” “I just called it a bloody bird because… it’s a bird,” he said. “But apparently that’s a microaggression now. I’m still not sure what that means, but I’ve been told to say ‘sky entity’ instead. I’ll have to reprint about 200 signs.”
In response to the controversy, DOC has launched a pilot programme to test more inclusive terms for other native wildlife. Proposed replacements include:
Weta → “Many-Legged Heritage Contributor”
Kiwi → “Ground-Adjacent Nocturnal New Zealander”
Stoat → “Emotionally Complex Predator”
When asked for comment, one kea reportedly squawked, stole a tourist’s sandwich, and dismantled a Hilux aerial — behaviour DOC described as “a valid form of expression.”
“This isn’t about semantics,” added Dr. Verbush. “It’s about acknowledging that the kea’s truth exists beyond the limitations of human language — even if that truth involves dismantling someone’s roof rack.”
DOC will host a public ceremony next week to “formally honour the kea community” and unveil a new plaque at Arthur’s Pass Visitor Centre reading: “We see you. We hear you. We respect your right to scream at tourists.”
I may have a problem visiting your country in the future as I am never going to be able to remember those updated terms.
Am I, as tourist, going to be taxed 39% for failing to express myself according to the DOC new rules?
As for you, I guess you will have to change your SW profile name to “Ground-Adjacent Nocturnal New Zealander” in order to comply with the new rule. I would not want to upset you. I have such a good social relationship with you.
Ain't that just a tad northern hemisphere, patronising, colonialist, "Oh, look what we just found! Another cute island we can name after our far away homeland!"
