We cannot run from who we are. Our destiny chooses us.

I had been overseas for months enjoying the good things that are in my ethic families country… it can be truly beautiful at times and in places.

One night one of my new friends from the old country asked me if I was going to the party next week. I told him I was leaving tomorrow to take my flight home.

Then he asked me a question that changed and broke a part of me that has never healed.

He asked

Why?

I said I can’t stay.

Then my voice broke… as it rarely does in those moment when my own voice fails me and I realize something that hurts me so deeply I feel like I might die.

My voice cracked and a few tears filled my eyes.

I said…

Because I don’t live here.
I have to go home.

My new friend looked at me.
He seemed to experience a deep sadness as well. And then just as quickly he said ok let’s go have a coffee.

I felt my heart crashing down within me. I had never realized before that moment that I could never be from that place. I would never truly belong there. How could I when I know that I belong at home.

I lost all hope and desire in that moment to ever be what could never be. In that profound sadness I found relief and in a sense it freed me from a journey that was never mine to take. A path I needn’t try to follow.

I found a destiny in my own country and now when I see my flag I know where I belong and who I am.