Conflicted

My dad was a pastor. Only when I got to secondary school did I realise that's unusual. And about that age I started to be told to act this way, not that way etc.

I didn't do much of the normal teenage stuff because it wasn't "right". By 18 dad had introduced me to the man who became my husband I really didn't have much say in it.

Now 30 years later I've burst from the bubble I've lived in and. I'm so confused. I feel like I need to be a teenager again but I'm 45 so that can't happen.

And then there's all this conflict with past stuff. I've started yoga classes which I'm loving but my ex-husband repeats the doctrine of the church that it isn't compatible with being a Christian.

Just one of the conflicts I'm trying to consider currently.

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riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

Your confused cause now your becoming yourself for the first time in 30 years and decision making at that age for the first time can be confusing .
You said you want to go back when your 15 .
You already are but your 45 and that's painful .
There's a sane and it says you have loose everything to become yourself .
Decision making then become easier , still fear there but trust the outcome .
See and I'm only telling you from what I read you never made decisions for yourself
Decisions we're made for you and at 45 when you start making decisions for yourself that's scary , fearful and your left with a huge emptiness of the soul .
You said 30 years . You won't fill that emptiness in a day or a few months . It takes time