I can understand your conflict as @
KatyO83 has hit the nail on the head as I think it!
There is a REAL difference between RELIGIOSITY and SPIRITUALITY. I never really liked religion as those 'words' just come from everyday people who are so involved in trying their best to keep their own world together that they don't see the gaps between what they say and the reaction they get from 'society' (as a whole) whose needs are broader than the 'seeds' of hope that religion feeds us.
I added to a discussion about "God" just the other day: The postulation was that there are 3 Gods in the Bible: In the Old Testament we first hear about 1/ the "Tribal" God - who belongs only to the Isrealites and he commanded them to kill all adversaries in order to attain right to the "Promised Land." This is the God who Benjamin Netanyahyu still worships as he decrees the genocide in Palestine.
2/ The "Controlling" God who is the one who created everything and who decides what remains and what gets destroyed; This is the God who when something goes wrong we say, "It was God's will." or "God knows best.", etc. Believing this is 'God' leaves us with no control over our own being.
3/ In the New Testament we have the "Jesus" God - the God who sends salvation to people by way of His son. The son (Jesus) teaches us love and compassion and is the current model of the Christian church (Universally - but perhaps not in the USA). I like this God, but He still is distant and belongs only to Jesus as His communicator to us.
On reading these postulates (and I don't disagree with them as interpretations) I put forth my own idea of "God". And it mirrors my beliefs: That God is not a controller, nor does He favor anyone. Yes, He is The Creator - but He doesn't set terms for us to live by. Instead, my God is a God of Empowerment: He gives us our Spirit (Soul) with 'free will' to use it in our lives with the (as Jesus taught) idea that we do 'good' for each other and the good that we do will enlighten us and enrich our souls to the glory of God. Yet, we may sin - or just ignore developing our soul entirely.... that is our choice; however, when the Day of Judgement comes, God will look at what we did with our souls while we had them in the 'human' world and decide if we are worthy of eternal life or if we squandered them and will send us to the "Abyss".
Saying that, I do not ask my God for favours: Instead, I ask for 'GUIDANCE' - opening my mind to what He may subtly suggest through inspirations (ideas) as ways to improve myself, or to resolve a problem that I have, or ways to help me encourage someone else to see a way out of their dilemmas in life. Prayer is still there and it is strong, but, to me, it is not a time to ask GOD for concrete favours, like asking Him to heal someone, but instead, to give someone the strength and positive thoughts to heal themselves through belief in Him.
So: There's an idea for you - Not that I expect you to seize upon it but as something to think about to see if it fits you. The real 'ask' from me to you is that you 'talk' with your God about it through prayer; but you have to open your mind to 'listen' to the ideas that come back to you - as those are the answers to your prayers.
