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I Struggle With My Body Image

I grew up where being tall & skinny led to the same abuse, rejection, and social ostracism that many short and/or plus size ladies experience. There was a time when I was that young woman with a naturally lean physique that many wished, strived, and would have done anything to achieve. Meanwhile, I wanted to be like the cute, chubby, short popular girls in my city that were accepted by all, admired and desired by the boys. I wanted the extra body fat that seemed unachievable for me. I was raised in a vegetarian household by health conscious parents who taught me to love whole foods. There was no soda in my home and no desert. As a result, I never cared for junk food. In my efforts to fit the beauty ideal my peers taught me, I had my best friends feed me meat, I chugged oil, and although sugary sweets like snack cakes grossed me out, I binge ate them while silently cursing my parents because I preferred a massive salad. I remained the girl who came home with bodily and emotional bruises.
"Too skinny!"
"Too tall!"
I was told "You are so skinny!" in a disgust filled tone more than I can count.
It was said I was "Too anorexic" to date, but "have a pretty face."
sound familiar to anyone?
That is because body shaming happens to everyone.
I do not share this to seek pity, but to share with you a different side of the same age old story.
Next time you envy those models on magazine covers that are petite, I would like you to remember there is someone somewhere who weeps because she would rather look like you. I know this because I used to be one of those girls.
Please accept some heartfelt words of advice:
Be the best version of you.
Everyone is fighting their own battle so be kinder than necessary.
Chasing after anyone else's ideal is like chasing after The wind.
The best version of you will always be enough.
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[quote]I chugged oil[/quote]

I really hope that didn't happen for too long :|

More generally I think everyone wants to be what they're not. Skinny girls want to be curvier, thicker girls want to be petite. Skinny dudes want to be bigger (myself) and perhaps (not sure of this) chubbier guys want to be more lean

Obviously not true for everyone, but fits many I am sure
shockresistor · 41-45
@BeefySenpie Not long. I chugged oil for a few years on and off. Large amounts. I now wonder how my friends parents did not wonder. As an adult, I would notice. I studied nutrition since then, so I know how to gain weight in enjoyable ways that won't compromise my well being.
My body image,as well as overall self image, is unstable.
Yes. Wanting to be what one is not seems to be one of the most shared parts of the human experience.
I hope this is ok to ask, but what do you dislike about being a skinny dude? Do you want to gain muscle, fat,or anything to fill out?