I Struggle With My Body Image
I deal with the basic stuff, the way everyone does, I guess.
My weight bothers me (5'8" and ~245lbs), my hair bothers me(dry and rough when clean, oily and gross when dirty), my skin bothers me(moles, stretchmarks, little red bumps on my legs, etc.). You know, basic stuff that a lot of people deal with. I don't feel special about it. I know almost everyone deals with the same things. But it still bothers me.
I try to hide it the way everyone does. I hide inside over-sized sweatshirts in the winter, I wear jeans year-round to hide my legs, I go to the gym thrice a week, I try to use moisturizer in my hair to try and smooth it out. And for the most part, it helps keep my insecurity in check. At least enough to where it's not the one thing on my mind.
Still, I have little moments of misery that I simply can't help. I sit down in my car or my office chair, and I look down at how my stomach sticks out, like a balloon that's being sat on, and I suck in as much as I can. The times I've tried on my wedding dress and my mother keeps telling me to suck it in, even though I am. I notice split ends in my hair, or run my hand over my bumpy legs, and I can't help but think about all the ways I wish I was better.
At the same time, I get moments of encouragement. People I see in the training class mention how much weight I've lost since I've started, without me even mentioning anything. My fiance actually encourages me to love my body the way it is, and comments on how he loves how "squishy" I am, and how warm and inviting my face is. I look in the mirror and smile in a way that makes me look good.
I have struggles. I'll always struggle. But I've worked too hard to reach this point of self-esteem to let it beat me down. I've just got to keep it up. I've got to keep practicing, and looking for that smile in the mirror.
My weight bothers me (5'8" and ~245lbs), my hair bothers me(dry and rough when clean, oily and gross when dirty), my skin bothers me(moles, stretchmarks, little red bumps on my legs, etc.). You know, basic stuff that a lot of people deal with. I don't feel special about it. I know almost everyone deals with the same things. But it still bothers me.
I try to hide it the way everyone does. I hide inside over-sized sweatshirts in the winter, I wear jeans year-round to hide my legs, I go to the gym thrice a week, I try to use moisturizer in my hair to try and smooth it out. And for the most part, it helps keep my insecurity in check. At least enough to where it's not the one thing on my mind.
Still, I have little moments of misery that I simply can't help. I sit down in my car or my office chair, and I look down at how my stomach sticks out, like a balloon that's being sat on, and I suck in as much as I can. The times I've tried on my wedding dress and my mother keeps telling me to suck it in, even though I am. I notice split ends in my hair, or run my hand over my bumpy legs, and I can't help but think about all the ways I wish I was better.
At the same time, I get moments of encouragement. People I see in the training class mention how much weight I've lost since I've started, without me even mentioning anything. My fiance actually encourages me to love my body the way it is, and comments on how he loves how "squishy" I am, and how warm and inviting my face is. I look in the mirror and smile in a way that makes me look good.
I have struggles. I'll always struggle. But I've worked too hard to reach this point of self-esteem to let it beat me down. I've just got to keep it up. I've got to keep practicing, and looking for that smile in the mirror.
