Some boys play the game all wrong.... [I Think Intelligence Is Sexy]

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(this is just to make a funny, yet oh so true statement, FYI. I actually had poems in my inbox. I'm not seriously asking for either.🤭)

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kodiac · 22-25, M Best Comment

You asked for it lol Hidden Sadness

I read the things you say to me
After I've written the things I need to write
The things I need to say
To see in print
To make them real
To get them out of here
Out into the light
Processed somehow
A drive to say them
See them said
Make it real somehow
You know, real
Not memories anymore
I want the memories to go away
And maybe, if I write them down
Maybe, if they're stuck there on the page
Maybe they'll be gone

But, no
It's when you say kind words to me
It's when you tell me that I didn't deserve those things
When you're nice to me
That I realize that he's still here
The little boy
Still here inside
Because I do not hear your words like a man
But feel them like a little boy
They hurt, your words not because they are unkind
Just the opposite
Your kind words go down deep inside to a place that I had covered up
A place that I had decided would never feel again
But when you say these things to me
You and others
I am the little boy
And you are the people -Who would find me lovable
Okay to love
Would maybe pick me up and hold me

It all goes by so quickly, the feelings
A flash
A pang of sadness
But in that instant, I understand it all
I feel it all
Again and again

I'm over this, I really am
As over this as you can get, I think
But the little boy
When will he heal?
When will he understand that he was always okay
Always lovable just as he was

And I always feel guilty for feeling sad
Feeling like I need the love
Afraid to ask for it
Afraid of being "needy"
But, see, the kid just doesn't know exactly what to do
Who to ask for love
He's 4 years old and 20 all at the same time
And so embarrassed to be who he is
Needy
Still hiding
Still waiting for those arms that will hold him while he cries
Until he falls asleep

MoonlightLullaby · 41-45, F

@kodiac I have read this over and over because I can't stop, literally. It bears so much truth, and honest vulnerability that most would never admit, much less post. I admire you for many reasons, but never pity you. However, this 41 year old chick who can't have kids, is old enough to be your mama and I'd hold you as if you were my own & cry as long as you needed to cry, even scream. This one touched deeply and I'm beyond glad and blessed you shared it. Thank you. ❤

And FYI: raw vulnerability is extremely attractive. Never forget that. Never.🙏

I know this is our favorite song & we prefer it live, but I chose the original for impact. It's Zakk as a child letting go. He sets fire to that piano as if he's burning his past...

I've been around this world
Yet I see no end
All shall fade to black again and again
This storm that's broken me
My only friend

In this river all shall fade to black
In this river ain't no coming back
In this river all shall fade to black

Withdrawn I step away
Just to find myself
The door is closed again
The only one left
This storm that's broken me
My only friend

In this river all shall fade to black
In this river ain't no coming back
In this river all shall fade to black
Ain't no coming back

[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HUr9UKAxiY]

Edit: I had to read this again today, cruising for tears I suppose, because they came easily. I also need to say, never be ashamed of who you've grown to be, that a child wanting to be loved still exists in the man you are. Many men, even twice your age couldn't hold a candle to your strength and honesty, to remain kind instead of bitter for the way you grew up and how unjust life was for you. Keep that head up always, kiddo. But cry whenever you want, it doesn't make you less than...😉

kodiac · 22-25, M

@MoonlightLullaby I like the video it tells a story the live version can't . Responses like this inspired this poem .Thank you your response touched me like the poem touched you. I spent many years in that river

MoonlightLullaby · 41-45, F

@kodiac I sensed that & I'm glad you shared it. Sometimes I can go a little far in regards to the length of my comments.
It had so much emotion and substance, I couldn't hold back. I'm glad you made it through to the riverbanks.

kodiac · 22-25, M

@MoonlightLullaby You're comments are what fuels my healing

MoonlightLullaby · 41-45, F

@kodiac You have many people here who are more than happy to remind you how special you are. I'm glad it helps you...🤗