I am just looking at a big bruise on the back of my hand. I only noticed it now and I don't remember how I got it.

I find bruises on my body to be depressing. It is one of those things I hate but I can't pinpoint a single reason. There are several..

I was taught to be tough. Hitting each other until one can't get up anymore was like playing soccer. Don't be weak, you're worthless if you can't fight back.

I guess bruises show you can get damaged and I hate that. It is like admitting you can get hurt.

Why would you want to let people see that? It is being defeated twice instead of once.

So it is not just because they look ugly but also people asking me what happened, why? Does it hurt?

And then there is the fact that I sometimes don't remember things.

No one really wants to admit they are out of control including the mad. I rather not find out you know? I rather not remember if I will end up looking down at my own sanity. Other people do that enough without my help.

I do hate bruises.

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BittersweetPotato · 31-35, F

I sometimes have bruises on my body too (mainly on my legs), without a reason and when I investigated, it turned out these bruises are because of a minor blood disorder I have. But they said it is a very rare disorder, so I doubt it is the same reason for you..

Miram · 31-35, F

@BittersweetPotato it's because of my medications + clumsiness + having mental blackout where I go and do who knows what.

I have DID, it comes and goes too. Dissociative identity disorder coupled with PTSD and et viola, a lunatic that doesn't remember everything they been doing.