I Am a Closeted Gay

I just can't believe that at 35 I'm still in the closet. How much more numb can my limbs be from being squeezed into this area? Just one person knows that I am gay, or I should say I came out to them and that is my best friend. She said that she was so proud of me and would stand behind me 100%. Well at least that's one person who'll have my back. But I don't know if I'll be able to tell my family. I am extremely close to my family and I cherish them in my life. If I'd ever lose them I don't know what I'd do. They aren't homophobes but it's always a different situation when it hits close to home. But I think they'll be ok with it but I'm not sure yet if I can take the chance. I think they know and others do for that matter. I mean I'm not the flamboyant type of person and I am a huge sports fan, but I am emotional and I've been told that I am a sweet, nice and kind guy. So I think that people do think that I am. Back in 7th grade I had a kid tell me he thought that I was gay, Back then being gay wasn't like it was now. You'd get gay bashed, insulted and isolated. So I always said that I wasn't out of fear and the fact that I believed that I was straight. It didn't change until High School when the quarterback of the football team had a smile that could melt my insides. I then realized that I wasn't completely straight. It took me sometime to confront myself to realize I'm not straight at all but gay. The funniest thing was that growing up I always thought I wanted to get married and have kids. I never said that I wanted a wife. As I got older I realized that and there was a reason for that, I didn't want a woman. I wanted a husband. Sorry for the rambling but I needed to let out what I was thinking. Thanks to a good friend that I met on here, I've become more and more comfortable in being my self and not giving a shit to what others think of me. I'm gay and I'm happy with that and the person that I am. I may not come out draped in a rainbow flag waving in my hand but I will tell you if you have the decency to ask me with respect.

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smoothbbbottom

I want say this to every closeted gay out there- get the fuck out of the closet. Yes I know it's tough. Yes I know your family might not accept you. My mother had an exorcism performed on me! I felt ashamed, hated myself for not being "normal", feared for my life (this was back in the 1970's), and thought that no one would ever love me or accept me.

When I was 28, I tried to kill myself by taking a bunch of pills. When I woke up in the hospital, my parents were crying. My Dad said he'd rather have a gay son than a dead son. I knew he meant well and it took a lot for him to say that. But it pissed me off! I thought to myself, Fuck You! And Fuck You to everyone who made fun of me, made me feel ashamed, etc.

I realized that I am who I am and that I was going to live my one and only life the way I want! I was not going to act a certain way to make others feel comfortable. If you don't like me, then that's your damn loss. If someone has a problem with me being gay, then it is just that- their fucking problem and not mine .

So quit your whining and crying, pissing and moaning. Get off your ass and go live your life with no regrets. Have all the sex you can get! Yes I know it's hard and complicated, but you are the only person who can make yourself happy.

Soon after I changed my attitude towards my life, I found a wonderful man who I have been with for 23 years. We love each other very much. And we have an open relationship because we like it that way. He is 58 now and has health problems which have killed his libido. He has no interest in sex anymore. But he knows I still need it and he has no problem with me finding it elsewhere. I will never leave my partner and I never bring anyone into our home. He wouldn't care if I did, I just don't out of respect for him.

If anyone who is still in the closet wants to talk, let me know. I'll be glad to help in any way. Oh, and by the way, yes everyone already knows you are gay. They are just waiting for you to tell them that it's okay for them to know.