I Am a Closeted Gay

I just can't believe that at 35 I'm still in the closet. How much more numb can my limbs be from being squeezed into this area? Just one person knows that I am gay, or I should say I came out to them and that is my best friend. She said that she was so proud of me and would stand behind me 100%. Well at least that's one person who'll have my back. But I don't know if I'll be able to tell my family. I am extremely close to my family and I cherish them in my life. If I'd ever lose them I don't know what I'd do. They aren't homophobes but it's always a different situation when it hits close to home. But I think they'll be ok with it but I'm not sure yet if I can take the chance. I think they know and others do for that matter. I mean I'm not the flamboyant type of person and I am a huge sports fan, but I am emotional and I've been told that I am a sweet, nice and kind guy. So I think that people do think that I am. Back in 7th grade I had a kid tell me he thought that I was gay, Back then being gay wasn't like it was now. You'd get gay bashed, insulted and isolated. So I always said that I wasn't out of fear and the fact that I believed that I was straight. It didn't change until High School when the quarterback of the football team had a smile that could melt my insides. I then realized that I wasn't completely straight. It took me sometime to confront myself to realize I'm not straight at all but gay. The funniest thing was that growing up I always thought I wanted to get married and have kids. I never said that I wanted a wife. As I got older I realized that and there was a reason for that, I didn't want a woman. I wanted a husband. Sorry for the rambling but I needed to let out what I was thinking. Thanks to a good friend that I met on here, I've become more and more comfortable in being my self and not giving a shit to what others think of me. I'm gay and I'm happy with that and the person that I am. I may not come out draped in a rainbow flag waving in my hand but I will tell you if you have the decency to ask me with respect.

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friendlyboy1234

<p>I am 34 year old male who is attracted to other men. I don't want to be gay because I am not really into the gay culture. I am closeted because there seems to only be two ways of being yourself: closeted or out and proud. I want to be somewhere in the middle. I am just afraid there is no middle ground for other people.</p>

patriotsrule1203 · 41-45, M

I can totally relate. I'm not into all the gay culture either. Never been to a gay bar and have no passion to. And I feel the same about being in the middle. So I know how you feel. I don't want my sexuality to be something that people judge me by. I want people to know me for my personality and that's all. So you are not alone in this world. :)

smoothbbbottom

Being gay has nothing to do with the gay culture or going to gay bars. I don't do that either. I did when I was young, but I realized how shallow that world is. As long as you are willing to hide who you are, then you have not accepted yourself. So how can you ask others to? I have a boss who is 45 and single and gay. But he has never said anything to anyone. He does not like you asking any personal questions and will get mad at you. A simple how was your weekend? or going somewhere on your vacation? causes an uncomfortable glare from him. Do you think anybody bothers to warn you about this? Hell no. And since I am out and talk about my partner like everyone else does about their spouses, he gets uncomfortable and takes it out on me. Everyone else I work with freely accepts me as I am. Some have religious beliefs that are different, but we all treat each other with respect. In fact, they were hoping I would drive my boss out of the closet. They said we wish he would just come out already and talk to us like a normal person. He's so stressed keeping up his wall that he is unpleasant to be around. Again, everyone already knows you are gay. Just because you aren't a swishy bitchy queen doesn't mean you don't give off clues. Get over it so you can be happy and make those around you happy too. Believe me, they are tired of dancing around the subject!!!!!

patriotsrule1203 · 41-45, M

I can relate to your boss. I think people know about me as well, I just don't feel the need to have to announce it to the world. If someone would come outright out and ask me I'd tell them the truth, hells yeah

smoothbbbottom

If you would tell them the truth, then you are being open and true to yourself. Coming out isn't about making a big announcement. It's about being honest with yourself and others. That's exactly how I came out. You are not like my boss. He's been asked before and he evaded the question.