I like them both - I think?

So here we go again! Let’s do what Cass does and over analyze again, shall we? How did I go from months of pussyfooting around Pepsi to finally being in his sheets? Did something changed?

Yes.

A lot actually. My Dom is almost daily building my confidence.

It started the day before the movie night. I had another session with Dom M. He’d made me cum and cum and cum with me following his instructions on a call. I’d told him about Pepsi before. But that wasn’t on my mind while I was stretching my cunt and whimpering in delight for him.

Nonetheless the next day while chatting he’d asked me what I had planned for the afternoon. I told him about the movie night which would start in about an hour and that Pepsi would be there. I was actually getting ready as we spoke. And he started to ask me questions. Questions that were making my clit tingle and my panties damp.

Dom M: “Do you want to cum for me before you go Cassislut?”
Me: “M, you’re making it hard for me to get ready 😂”
Dom M: “Good! You’re sexier when you’re releasing pheromones. And others can sense it. What are you going to wear?“

I showed him my favourite dress. I normally wear it with a t-shirt underneath because it’s one of those dresses that only come together between the drop of your breasts, and without a T, you can’t really wear a bra with it. My bra is my shield normally.

For him I wanted him to be as hard as he was making me wet! So after a teasing pic of the dress on a hanger, I snapped some without the T, and without the bra. And he showed me I could be sexy in it. And that I should be sexy, for Pepsi. I had no idea side boobs is such a turn on for guys by the way.

He has also sensed that I haven’t been with any man for a while. What’s it been now since I left my ex? 8 years? Wow. Time flies. I mean I’ve had a few encounters since then but nothing that was real. Not like what I want with Pepsi.

So he tried to help me prepare. He told me I was sexy and looked great. Have I shaved my pussy? Pepsi will appreciate that. Did I treat myself? Is my skin soft? Am I going to wear a bra? Don’t, I’ll be more confident without it.

And by Dom M, did it work! I loved feeling pretty and flirty in my favourite dress. I loved how Pepsi looked at me. Pepsi is never short on words, so boy did I have fun watching him tongue twisted and struggling to look me in the eye. I loved how we made out, how he easily slipped his hands into my dress cupping my breast. While the other dared not explore further than mid thigh. His hot breath against my neck. My hands on his thigh accidentally On purpose grazing past his growing member. All of it.

Okay. So something major did change. Now how did I feel about this? Emotionally, hmm, I don’t know. I might not be mentally prepared for this. An actual boyfriend and an actual dom? At the same time? Wow… poor western Christian upbringing. I might be totally scorching my conscience. But it’s thrilling and exciting and, well, fuck, I love feeling wanted and used and spoiled. And I love making both Pepsi and Dom M happy. And I love my vanilla soft side and I’m learning I like my sub side too.

So what did I choose to do? Message Dom M while I was still there of course. My cunt seemed to like that, but my brain not so much.

Me: Hey M
Dom M: Hey Cassigirl, home safe?
Me: About to leave
Dom M: are you wearing the dress?
Me: Yes, lol
Dom M: And your panties? - 2 min ago
Dom M: are you wet cassigirl?
Me: Yea.
Dom M: go take your panties off.
Me: I’m literally standing outside to say bye.
Dom M: tell them you need to restroom. No one will think it suspicious. - 2 min ago
Dom M: take a pic of your panties in your purse - 1 min ago
Dom M: it doesn’t have to be a good one - 1 min ago
Dom M: take one of your bare cunt for me cassieslut. I know you want to.
Me: Okay… I’m in the bathroom.
Dom M: Good girl Cassandra
Me: I’m done. Going out now.
Dom M: send me the pic.
Me: [pic of panties in purse]

A 10 minute walk home with a wet dripping pussy in an open dress in not so warm weather. P-h-e-w!! Goosebump worthy. I was ready to blow.

But my poor mind. I was also feeling extremely guilty. I wanted to be with Pepsi, so why did on earth was I messaging Dom M? I mean I hadn’t even left Pepsi yet. So to my bodies frustrated disappointment when Dom M started teasing, I asked to Stop. Full brakes. Of course he respected it instantly and kindly. Free will is king, little one. Didn’t say a word of discomfort from his side. Didn’t show an inch of disapproval or disappointment.

Fuck… what have I done?

Now I was letting him down too. I can’t take it back now. It doesn’t work like that. You need to talk and understand each other and set rules if you want to play. If you stopped there was a reason and that reason must first be understood and spoken through. And I don’t have the energy to explain all that now. Not to mention, mood killer much? I’ve never felt so angry and frustrated saying good night. It was the first time I’ve done so, as a sub: The first time I said stop. I’m not sure how to describe it. I wanted to cry because I let him down. I felt shattered once I realized what I’d done. But in a way it was like I couldn’t in that moment. I couldn’t give him control.

The following day we spoke. I explained my feelings. I told him I want Pepsi, so I’m done experimenting with my sub side. He didn’t buy. Neither did I. And after some talk about openmindedness and culture and upbringing I decided on my own that for now I’ll allow this, if Dom M will. Which he is allowing, of course.

His reasoning: would I deprive Pepsi right now if he was talking and jacking off and having fun. I said I would if I was officially with him. But again I didn’t sound too convincing to myself even. I was just trying to argue now.

I guess I just wasn’t prepared for all this to happen. And so quickly too. Sigh, what am I actually doing?

Anyway… I really tried to keep this post shorter but I couldn’t. Sorry! Okay bye!