What Women Secretly Do When Nobody’s Watching
I just received some completely new and highly classified information revealing what women secretly do when they’re alone.
- Layer bras and proudly assume their role as President of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
- Wear a shirt as a skirt and somehow end up with trousers on one arm.
- Take out all their sex toys, arrange them in a circle, and make them talk to each other.
- Rehearse telling everyone they know exactly what they really think of them.
- Stand in front of the mirror and list everything they think is wrong with them until they successfully hurt their own feelings.
- Conduct an imaginary argument in the shower and absolutely destroy the other person with replies they should have thought of three years ago.
- Google a completely harmless symptom and spend ten minutes mentally preparing their own funeral.
- Pretend their ex has suddenly realised they were the greatest mistake of his life and prepare a calm, dignified response lasting approximately 47 minutes.
- Check their own ass in the mirror from six separate diplomatic angles and slap it for scientific purpose
- Forgive him
- Hate themselves for forgiving him
- Inspect one suspiciously long nipple hair as though it is evidence of government interference.
- Pull it
- Scream
- Remember that embarrassing thing they said 8 years and 2 months ago
- Try a new yoga position and accidentally discover something about their own anatomy they were not emotionally prepared for.
- Feel genuinely annoyed for ten minutes for no reason at all
- Taking off makeup on only half their face just to compare the before and after like a scientific study.
- Making an absolutely disgusting snack combination and eating it standing over the sink to eliminate witnesses
- Googling “why am I horny for absolutely no reason.”
- Trying to sit seductively on the bed and immediately getting cramp.
This information has apparently been hidden from men for generations.
My source has now entered witness protection.
- Layer bras and proudly assume their role as President of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
- Wear a shirt as a skirt and somehow end up with trousers on one arm.
- Take out all their sex toys, arrange them in a circle, and make them talk to each other.
- Rehearse telling everyone they know exactly what they really think of them.
- Stand in front of the mirror and list everything they think is wrong with them until they successfully hurt their own feelings.
- Conduct an imaginary argument in the shower and absolutely destroy the other person with replies they should have thought of three years ago.
- Google a completely harmless symptom and spend ten minutes mentally preparing their own funeral.
- Pretend their ex has suddenly realised they were the greatest mistake of his life and prepare a calm, dignified response lasting approximately 47 minutes.
- Check their own ass in the mirror from six separate diplomatic angles and slap it for scientific purpose
- Forgive him
- Hate themselves for forgiving him
- Inspect one suspiciously long nipple hair as though it is evidence of government interference.
- Pull it
- Scream
- Remember that embarrassing thing they said 8 years and 2 months ago
- Try a new yoga position and accidentally discover something about their own anatomy they were not emotionally prepared for.
- Feel genuinely annoyed for ten minutes for no reason at all
- Taking off makeup on only half their face just to compare the before and after like a scientific study.
- Making an absolutely disgusting snack combination and eating it standing over the sink to eliminate witnesses
- Googling “why am I horny for absolutely no reason.”
- Trying to sit seductively on the bed and immediately getting cramp.
This information has apparently been hidden from men for generations.
My source has now entered witness protection.
56-60, M
