I Am An Atheist
Ooh, another little commentary on my dads church. Every leader there has this thing about not getting the hint. So, from the age of like, I think thirteen? to eighteen, I had to go to these meetings every Wednesday, and church every Sunday, all dedicated to how men and women of this particular church should behave.
In these meetings, the girls usually learned how to cook, knit, dress, do our hair and makeup, work on "personal progress", and all that. Then the guys would learn how to fix cars, go camping, prepare for going on their missions, and do yardwork.
If I was in an especially bad mood in one of these meetings and I was thanked for coming I'd initially brush it off and say, "yep." But when it's repeated I'd make them aware I had no option about coming. So, this memory sits vividly; one of the leaders had her arm around my shoulder and saying that she's so happy I could come. I said thank you. She said she loved having me here. I nodded along.
This went on for a bit. But I could feel my temper start to boil- I don't like it when people touch me, especially in an attempt to establish a bond that isn't there. Nor was she taking the hint that I wasn't up for conversation. I told her that I didn't have the option to come. She thanked me for coming anyway. I told her that you shouldn't thank someone for doing something when they weren't given another choice, as it defeats the point of being thankful.
She said, "Ohh! You don't mean that, Kelsey!" Then she proceeded to try to hug me.
That leads into the second thing I wanted to address. This touching thing they all do. Every time I see one of them they feel an undying need to put their hand on my shoulder or arm or around my waist. And no, I don't have personal space issues, I promise; it's a very natural thing to not want strangers touching you. But they don't seem to get that.
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The last time I had to deal with this was when I got dragged into a church auction (by that I mean I didn't know it was a church thing till I saw the building). So, I split off almost immediately after my family gets a table, then leave the building and walk to a school and hang out there for a solid hour with the mosquitoes. I came back in when I thought the thing was ending, and was immediately swarmed by the female church "leaders", all of which kept trying to hug me, hold my shoulder, or link their arms in mine.
For the last year or so I very rarely cry. But in this moment, with all of the sounds and movements and random hands on me, I started to feel overwhelmed and I started telling everyone to stop touching me and that I'm uncomfortable with it, because I was on the verge of breaking down.
And, of course, not one of them stopped what they were doing. They started laughing with their little voices saying, "Aw! You don't mean that Kelsey!"
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In these meetings, the girls usually learned how to cook, knit, dress, do our hair and makeup, work on "personal progress", and all that. Then the guys would learn how to fix cars, go camping, prepare for going on their missions, and do yardwork.
If I was in an especially bad mood in one of these meetings and I was thanked for coming I'd initially brush it off and say, "yep." But when it's repeated I'd make them aware I had no option about coming. So, this memory sits vividly; one of the leaders had her arm around my shoulder and saying that she's so happy I could come. I said thank you. She said she loved having me here. I nodded along.
This went on for a bit. But I could feel my temper start to boil- I don't like it when people touch me, especially in an attempt to establish a bond that isn't there. Nor was she taking the hint that I wasn't up for conversation. I told her that I didn't have the option to come. She thanked me for coming anyway. I told her that you shouldn't thank someone for doing something when they weren't given another choice, as it defeats the point of being thankful.
She said, "Ohh! You don't mean that, Kelsey!" Then she proceeded to try to hug me.
That leads into the second thing I wanted to address. This touching thing they all do. Every time I see one of them they feel an undying need to put their hand on my shoulder or arm or around my waist. And no, I don't have personal space issues, I promise; it's a very natural thing to not want strangers touching you. But they don't seem to get that.
-
The last time I had to deal with this was when I got dragged into a church auction (by that I mean I didn't know it was a church thing till I saw the building). So, I split off almost immediately after my family gets a table, then leave the building and walk to a school and hang out there for a solid hour with the mosquitoes. I came back in when I thought the thing was ending, and was immediately swarmed by the female church "leaders", all of which kept trying to hug me, hold my shoulder, or link their arms in mine.
For the last year or so I very rarely cry. But in this moment, with all of the sounds and movements and random hands on me, I started to feel overwhelmed and I started telling everyone to stop touching me and that I'm uncomfortable with it, because I was on the verge of breaking down.
And, of course, not one of them stopped what they were doing. They started laughing with their little voices saying, "Aw! You don't mean that Kelsey!"
26-30, F
