Mum Turned Me Out

There. I said it. After skirting around the whole thing, due to sensitive reasons, and having been
too subtle for my own good, I've finally admitted it.

It's true to say that mum lives and breathes prostitution. I really don't know why and I don't
understand the attraction to her, but that seems to be the case. The whole lifestyle - the drinking, the drugs, the sex - is something that she enjoys.

Dad? He's always loved mum unconditionally. Martika, to him, was someone that expressed herself fully, wasn't afraid of being herself and took pride in that. Her loves her for being her.

All of my sisters, including myself, were born of mum's punters/clients/tricks/Johns. That was their plan, upon getting together. Mum, in her own language, getting [i]'..knocked up..',[/i] just like her mum did, and her mum also did. A family tradition, if you like.

Mum never hid that she was a prostitute to us. Always dressed to impress. She always talked of her work, just like it was an everyday thing. Well, to her it was.

I have distinct memories of her coming into my room, cigarette in hand, fully made up and dressed, and kissing me goodnight before she hit the streets. I remember her bangles clanking as she walked out.

Somewhere along the lines, mum went from just being a streetwalker to that of being a pimp, or Madame. I'm not quite sure of the twist, but she brought in another hooker to live in the house.

Myself and my sisters were around prostitution all the time. My big sister, Miya, was the first to bite. She was always out of the house, always being secretive, from around her teens I think. It was later exposed, thanks to my great grandmother, that she had been a prostitute for some time.

Mum was very happy about that. Miya expressed that always at home. She smoked, she drank. She did all that so called 'adult' stuff. I was jealous. Dad didn't mind.

Miya had always had a very special relationship with mum. I understand it a bit better these days. The first born. Yes, I get it. At the time? Although I knew - and know - mum loved me, I got the idea that she loved Miya better. And, Miya being Miya, she would rub that in my face a little. Not in a spiteful way, I don't think, but one of being old enough to do these adult things too, and that I am just a kid.

Being, as you might have picked up upon, as a little socially isolated outside my own family - I was black, born into a white family, my sisters all had different fathers, mum being a prostitute so nobody wanted their own child coming into that, having a very non-black background in terms of culture - I would have dreams of following Miya into[i] 'The Lifestyle'[/i].

It was always something that mum chatted about. That she loved me unconditionally, of course, and if I wanted to be a teacher, she'd be supportive of me. If I wanted to work in a shop, she'd be happy. If I wanted to be a hairdresser, she'd be fine. But, if I wanted to be a prostitute, just like her, then she would be more than delighted.

I understood what she meant.

When I was old enough, I got involved in 'big girl, adult stuff'. She taught me to smoke. I loved that.

Then it progressed to full-on prostitution.

Miya helped me out. She was as excited, initially, as much as I was scared.

It happened - 3 punters/clients/tricks/Johns, one after another. That was my beginning.

But, it's very important to stress that, no matter what my age - and I was underage in that brothel - that there was the importance of school work. Mum pushed, but dad especially that I did my homework, learned and did well in my mock exams before I ever thought of selling myself in the brothel.

I did, at that time, work just a few days in the week and every weekend. I'd get home during the week, quickly get some homework done, have a shower, put my makeup on, do my hair, get dressed and head over to work my shift at the brothel - 7pm to 12am. Get home, go to bed. Wake up, exhausted.

I worked hard, getting no money at the time. All that went to mum, but she bought me clothes, makeup, jewellery and cigarettes. But that was fine. That was for around 15 months or so. I did what I was told. Did lots of punters, never complained.

Then, something happened to mum. Or, more to the point I think someone got into her ear. Call it drug fuelled paranoia or whatever you want to call it but mum, as our pimp with over 17 women working for her, imposed a rule that we all should be taking drugs. So, I guess, to make us loyal.

I was the last to be pushed into it, goaded by some of the other girls that were now quite hardened into the drugs lifestyle. I had tears when I first shot up. Hated it. Vomited everywhere. It was awful, but day in, day out for over 3 months I was pushed into either injecting or snorting cocaine.

Hated that too, but at least I didn't vomit.

Cocaine was a drug that I could function on, to a degree and so I got word to my great aunt, who hadn't seen me for a while. She quickly came around and got me out of that situation and, eventually, off drugs and as I was in my last year of school, helped me with my learning.

Thankfully, I got very good grades and, afterwards, started working, again as a prostitute, for my great aunt, Amber.

So. That's the reasoning for my issues with my mum and some of the things that I work through with a counsellor.

Lot to take in, right? I get it.

Feels better talking about it.

🫶🏽