Vague Post Self Censorship
I've got a lot swirling in my head over something and I know the best way to get it out of my head is to dump it here. What follows is a whole lot of vagueness and dancing around a nuanced delicate subject so feel free to stop reading and carry on with your doomscrolling.
I know if I were to articulate my thoughts about a particular topic directly to someone specific that I would no doubt be considered mean spirited if not even "cruel" as others have been called and being mean or cruel is certainly is not my intention so I purposely refrain from engaging with this person entirely.
That doesn't mean I don't still feel some kind of way, and I'm finding them strangly kind of strong feelings that I don't want to keep to myself but nonetheless feel I'm expected to keep it to myself.
Perhaps the strongness of any of feeling I have about any given topic right now is more because I'm dealing with a lot of different "feels" because of my completly unrelated personal life events but I digress. If I was a mean and cruel person, I'd come right out and declare what I'm thinking the most and that notion in a nutshell is that someone in particular is a coward in their reaction.
While recognize I certainly don't walk in their shoes I've given a lot of thought [more than I should have probably] to how I'd behave if I was in their place, and I truly feel my reaction would be a much different deliberate coarse of action than the choices they've made.
I wish I could elaborate more, because I think engaging in a respectful conversation about it could and would benefit people but given how others have been personally attacked by mearly suggesting they see things differently I'm deliberatly protecting myself from those attacks. Not that I don't feel I have some understanding about the emotions and reasoning behind where those attacks to others are coming from, but they are still in my opinion coming from a close minded place and frankly from a person who themselves is mean and cruel at times and I wish they could see that.
I know if I were to articulate my thoughts about a particular topic directly to someone specific that I would no doubt be considered mean spirited if not even "cruel" as others have been called and being mean or cruel is certainly is not my intention so I purposely refrain from engaging with this person entirely.
That doesn't mean I don't still feel some kind of way, and I'm finding them strangly kind of strong feelings that I don't want to keep to myself but nonetheless feel I'm expected to keep it to myself.
Perhaps the strongness of any of feeling I have about any given topic right now is more because I'm dealing with a lot of different "feels" because of my completly unrelated personal life events but I digress. If I was a mean and cruel person, I'd come right out and declare what I'm thinking the most and that notion in a nutshell is that someone in particular is a coward in their reaction.
While recognize I certainly don't walk in their shoes I've given a lot of thought [more than I should have probably] to how I'd behave if I was in their place, and I truly feel my reaction would be a much different deliberate coarse of action than the choices they've made.
I wish I could elaborate more, because I think engaging in a respectful conversation about it could and would benefit people but given how others have been personally attacked by mearly suggesting they see things differently I'm deliberatly protecting myself from those attacks. Not that I don't feel I have some understanding about the emotions and reasoning behind where those attacks to others are coming from, but they are still in my opinion coming from a close minded place and frankly from a person who themselves is mean and cruel at times and I wish they could see that.
41-45, F
