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GaiusJuliusCaesar

41-45, M

United States

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The thrift store

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The cadet walks into the thrift store. The owner looks up and says "Hello. Haven't seen you in these parts before." "Yeah I'm new in town. Looking for the books!" "In the back against the wall," the clerk ...

My phone has gone nuts.

Messenger goes DING! I look, and nobody is there. Seconds later DING! Nobody there.

What does Scott Hall have that I don't have?

Why you bitches gotta hate?

Do you smile cause I'm funny?

I wasn't joking and I meant the thing I said.

The pirates would take one look at my face and say, "Arrrr!!! He's one of us!!" But then they'd realize that I have no chest hair, and I would be forced to walk the plank. If only there was a solution. I want to be a hairy ches...

I have no words for this...

This is the most beautiful thing you will ever see in your life. Brace yourself...

Would you be upset with me if I trespassed on your pig farm, looking for a clue as to the whereabouts of a rascal?

These people are racist. Stop being racist!

This song made my beard grow 10 inches

Has anyone ever threatened to pray your family into hell?

Or am I the only lucky one?

I am a man who likes to show off my cairns

2021 willl be the year I sleep with Kylie Minogue

Daaaamn, imagine cat piss smelling candles

Chocolate covered peanuts!!

Or, for those of you who cant have peanuts, chocolate covered pretzels! And sausage balls! And cheese cubes on a toothpick! And turkey! And ham! And a shrimp ring 🤤

I was a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad boy for years.

And then karma sent me this little kitty last year. Karma told me "You take care of her for the next 16 years and we will call it even!" And so, I became a slave to the feline. Could be worse, I reckon.

Can you imagine if the soundtrack for the Indiana Jones movies was a crying baby?

No music, just the baby. The baby coos and laughs during the calm scenes and screams bloody murder during the exciting scenes. It cries normally for the Indiana Jones theme. And it's never quiet enough to hear the dialogue. Would you watch i...

The purring purr box likes fries.

She didn't touch the hamburger, just the fries. Then she helped me wrap Christmas presents. Then she slept for hours. Now we are fishing for catfish And Riley is jealous

Laser beam kitty!

Woot look what arrived!

Time to binge watch!

Would you rather be a Ghostbuster or a Jedi Knight?

Being a Ghostbuster would pay a lot more. I could finally buy that mansion I've always dreamed of in Beverly Hills. But I could hang out with Yoda and Han Solo as a Jedi Knight, and use mind tricks to swindle people out of their money. Choice...

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