Chuck Norris went sky diving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet, the loser had to start wearing his underwear outside of his pants.
Fish scale, shark tail, I used to test coke for the cartel. Seven hundred grand in a rubber band, Watch my diamonds dance out in South France.
You know, my very defined jaw line makes it hard for me to trim my beard down to a 5. #sexymanproblems
I told you not to be late for work. Here you are 20 minutes late with no call or anything. Next time you're late you will be fired. Ok?
I laugh when ever someone says duty. Like "he did his duty" or "Call Of Duty". You know, like dooty, doo doo. Lol lmaoI'm so immature. But I'm pretty sexy so I get away with it
If you piss me off, who ain't goin home? looks like you. You hear strike one, talkin shit, strike two.Won't be a strike three, cause I don't play fairI'mma look you in your eye while he shoots you from the rear.
Ain't no sunshine when it's on, only darkness every day, Ain't no sunshine when it's on, cause when it's on, Ya niggas know to be gone,everytime, cause we don't play.
One of my favorite activities is going on webcam girl sites and asking them if they like squirrels and if they want to go coon huntin' with me
Well, oh what a feeling that burns down low, When you ain't got no where to turn or no where to go. It makes me feel like sometimes I'm outta control,So I'm gonna get wasted With all my country heroes. I'm drinkin' some George Jones, And a little bit of Coe, Haggard's easin' my misery And Waylon's keepin' me from home Hank's givin' me those high times Cash is gonna sing it low, I'm here...See More »
To whoever flagged me for saying "[removed by staff]" seriously needs to kill therself, i'll even help.
The hottest nail color a girl can get is all black, glossy and squared. Squared ended ones by far look the best. Now that makes ANY woman look better. Also whatever this color is I like too.
Is it weird that these turn me on like crazy? They just make girls look sexier. Especially this last one.
I haven't slept AT ALL in 72 hours. If I get a full nights sleep tonight do you think I'll be alright for work tomorrow?
I haven't slept in 72 hours, barely even rested my eyes. If I get a good night's sleep tonight will I be ok at work tomorrow you think?
LISTEN UP SIMILAR WORLDS STAFF. YOU BETTER CHANGE AROUND THIS DISASTER NOWBECAUSE UNTIL YOU DO I WILL BE BANGIMG MY HEAD HARD UP AGAINST THIS BRICK WALL. STARTING RIGHT NOW!