I Hate My Family
I can't take this family anymore, I hate living here, and I hate being around everyone here.
I can't even consider them a family and I never felt like I belonged to them.
Never have and never will.
No one in this house ever wanted to form a relationship with me all because I'm the youngest.
All everyone here wants to do is just team up against me and put me down at every chance they get.
All my mom does is talk about how much of a horrible person she thinks I am to the rest of my family (especially to my brother who I also deeply hate with a passion) so everyone can act like my parent, yell at me, insult me, start a fight with me, etc. She also loves my brother and everyone else more than me. She always compares me to my brother and talks about how much of a better person she is. The most recent example would be how I said that I want to go into law enforcement and yet she says that I'd be a bad police officer and that my brother would be a better one if he wanted to be (even though my brother is a drug addict and wastes his money left and right and is overall irresponsible). She also talks about how she wants me to leave the house already and constantly insults me about my weight, calls me ugly, demonic, a dirty dog, etc and said that she wishes that I was never born (no one ever believes me when I try to explain that to anyone). Now she's wondering why I'm always mad at her. Maybe it's because she's always yelling at me, always putting me down, belittling me, insulting me, etc and every time I try to talk to her, I always get yelled at and judged. Whenever I ask her for something important, she always gives me the excuse that she doesn't know where to take me or what to do, or to ask my dad, or refuses to do it because she doesn't get any respect she doesn't deserve.
Then my brother who's a drug addict and dropped out of college to get away from his ex-girlfriend and is loved by the entire family just loves to put me down, bully me, push me around, talk shit to me, yell at me, try to fight me, belittle me, etc all of the time and can get away with it all because he's older than me. He thinks he's better than me in everyway and thinks he's a man in everyway not only because he's older than me, but because he has a job and denies his marijuana addiction despite him smoking it on a constant basis. He also claims that I'm the problem of the family and that I cause the majority of the family's problems. Then he talks about how the rest of the family is a reflection on the things I'm supposedly not doing and that I need to grow up because I'm trying to defend myself. He says that I like to play the victim as well. He literally even said that my mom can insult me, belittle me, physically hurt me all she wants and I just have to sit there and take it when the minute I try to defend myself in the slightest, it's a problem to him and everyone else. He and the rest of the family even think it's okay for him to defend himself (which he rarely has to do since he pretty much never gets picked on by anyone here). Whenever I ask him to for something important, he'd rather hang with his potheaded friends and/or is all about his money that he wastes.
Then I have my sister (who is the oldest) who's an alcoholic and does the same things my brother does to me, and thinks I'm a messed up person and I remember her calling me a loser at one point and her telling me to do something with my life. I don't really ask her for much as she really can't do much, but it's still unacceptable what she does regardless
Then my dad just sits there and defends everyone and opposes me and talks about how he thinks I act like a little kid and doesn't take responsibility for any of his actions when I call him out one something. My dad also says that I can't take criticism when all my family does is talk about how negative I am and never says anything positive about me. Can I just also say that he's lazy and does nothing but sit on his ass and watch TV all day? He constantly procrastinates when I ask him for something important like driving me to the DMV so I can get my permit, or give me his tax information so I can apply for financial aid for college, etc. And just like my mom, he'll act like a spoiled, rotten little 10 year old brat, he'll also refuse to do anything because he doesn't earn my respect.
I also have a mental disability and my family at this point thinks that I use that as an excuse when no one in this family does anything to help me.
And they act like they understand what my disability is when I'm the ONLY person they know with the disability I have while at the same time, they don't understand the concept of Aspergers (which is what I have) or any sort of autism spectrum disorders.
So what am I supposed to do? Just leave everything untreated and not consider the effects this has on me?
No wonder why I'm depressed and misunderstood, yet no one here cares about my depression or disability.
Then the entire family wonders where they went wrong when no one listens to me, no one takes me seriously, and everyone always has to make excuses for themselves to justify their stupidity.
I'm clearly not welcomed here by anyone as I'm always being compared to my brother and everyone puts more importance into my mom than me who gets hurt by everyone than my depression and pain.
I was out one day looking for jobs because I can't take this anymore and I just want to kill myself and I struggle with suicidal thoughts everyday and I cry myself to sleep and sometimes wish I had a gun so I can pull the trigger on myself.
Maybe then I won't be such an annoyance to everyone around me considering how much of a horrible person I am to everyone.
I obviously cause everyone trouble, so maybe it'd be better if I were dead or never born to begin with because everyone seemed a lot happier before I was born and nowadays, seem happier when I'm not around.
The only thing keeping me alive is my girlfriend Samantha and she's my only source of love and I love her to death and I'd be devastated if I lost her.
I can't even consider them a family and I never felt like I belonged to them.
Never have and never will.
No one in this house ever wanted to form a relationship with me all because I'm the youngest.
All everyone here wants to do is just team up against me and put me down at every chance they get.
All my mom does is talk about how much of a horrible person she thinks I am to the rest of my family (especially to my brother who I also deeply hate with a passion) so everyone can act like my parent, yell at me, insult me, start a fight with me, etc. She also loves my brother and everyone else more than me. She always compares me to my brother and talks about how much of a better person she is. The most recent example would be how I said that I want to go into law enforcement and yet she says that I'd be a bad police officer and that my brother would be a better one if he wanted to be (even though my brother is a drug addict and wastes his money left and right and is overall irresponsible). She also talks about how she wants me to leave the house already and constantly insults me about my weight, calls me ugly, demonic, a dirty dog, etc and said that she wishes that I was never born (no one ever believes me when I try to explain that to anyone). Now she's wondering why I'm always mad at her. Maybe it's because she's always yelling at me, always putting me down, belittling me, insulting me, etc and every time I try to talk to her, I always get yelled at and judged. Whenever I ask her for something important, she always gives me the excuse that she doesn't know where to take me or what to do, or to ask my dad, or refuses to do it because she doesn't get any respect she doesn't deserve.
Then my brother who's a drug addict and dropped out of college to get away from his ex-girlfriend and is loved by the entire family just loves to put me down, bully me, push me around, talk shit to me, yell at me, try to fight me, belittle me, etc all of the time and can get away with it all because he's older than me. He thinks he's better than me in everyway and thinks he's a man in everyway not only because he's older than me, but because he has a job and denies his marijuana addiction despite him smoking it on a constant basis. He also claims that I'm the problem of the family and that I cause the majority of the family's problems. Then he talks about how the rest of the family is a reflection on the things I'm supposedly not doing and that I need to grow up because I'm trying to defend myself. He says that I like to play the victim as well. He literally even said that my mom can insult me, belittle me, physically hurt me all she wants and I just have to sit there and take it when the minute I try to defend myself in the slightest, it's a problem to him and everyone else. He and the rest of the family even think it's okay for him to defend himself (which he rarely has to do since he pretty much never gets picked on by anyone here). Whenever I ask him to for something important, he'd rather hang with his potheaded friends and/or is all about his money that he wastes.
Then I have my sister (who is the oldest) who's an alcoholic and does the same things my brother does to me, and thinks I'm a messed up person and I remember her calling me a loser at one point and her telling me to do something with my life. I don't really ask her for much as she really can't do much, but it's still unacceptable what she does regardless
Then my dad just sits there and defends everyone and opposes me and talks about how he thinks I act like a little kid and doesn't take responsibility for any of his actions when I call him out one something. My dad also says that I can't take criticism when all my family does is talk about how negative I am and never says anything positive about me. Can I just also say that he's lazy and does nothing but sit on his ass and watch TV all day? He constantly procrastinates when I ask him for something important like driving me to the DMV so I can get my permit, or give me his tax information so I can apply for financial aid for college, etc. And just like my mom, he'll act like a spoiled, rotten little 10 year old brat, he'll also refuse to do anything because he doesn't earn my respect.
I also have a mental disability and my family at this point thinks that I use that as an excuse when no one in this family does anything to help me.
And they act like they understand what my disability is when I'm the ONLY person they know with the disability I have while at the same time, they don't understand the concept of Aspergers (which is what I have) or any sort of autism spectrum disorders.
So what am I supposed to do? Just leave everything untreated and not consider the effects this has on me?
No wonder why I'm depressed and misunderstood, yet no one here cares about my depression or disability.
Then the entire family wonders where they went wrong when no one listens to me, no one takes me seriously, and everyone always has to make excuses for themselves to justify their stupidity.
I'm clearly not welcomed here by anyone as I'm always being compared to my brother and everyone puts more importance into my mom than me who gets hurt by everyone than my depression and pain.
I was out one day looking for jobs because I can't take this anymore and I just want to kill myself and I struggle with suicidal thoughts everyday and I cry myself to sleep and sometimes wish I had a gun so I can pull the trigger on myself.
Maybe then I won't be such an annoyance to everyone around me considering how much of a horrible person I am to everyone.
I obviously cause everyone trouble, so maybe it'd be better if I were dead or never born to begin with because everyone seemed a lot happier before I was born and nowadays, seem happier when I'm not around.
The only thing keeping me alive is my girlfriend Samantha and she's my only source of love and I love her to death and I'd be devastated if I lost her.
26-30, M
