I Am Self Sufficient

My dad is dead. I don't live "at home". Claiming he's alive didn't help me feel better. He died last year of lung cancer at 45. I don't know what kind of fantasy world I've been living in. My mother moved to New York and I stayed in Denver. I am ok, and have plenty of money earned from other things I've been into (nothing illegal) I just don't want to talk about it. Music / songwriting and other things similar. I just don't want to talk about that right now, but this is about me and fantasizing that my dad is still with me. He's the one who bought me the tama, ludwig, synthesizers, bass and les paul when i was 13. If it had not been for him I'd be in New York with my mother right now. I live in a basement apartment, long, 3 bedroom rat nest but at least there's plenty of space. There isn't much light but I guess that's ok. I have everything I need except my dad. I wanted to actually get somewhere in the songwriting industry and make him proud of me, but it's just not that easy. I don't write lyrics I write music and sell it, once it is sold the copyrights are gone too. I bet you didn't know there's artists out there who claim to be the writers of their music but really aren't, did you. It's a complicated and deceiving business at least in my field. Instead I could have become a known songwriter and made him proud. I hope he was a little bit proud of me and resting in peace that I would be ok because he was worried about me becoz Me and Mom do not get along she's all about money and I'm not. So anyway I sold the les paul and prophet 5. I don't have as much equip as used to but I have enough to do what I need to do. This story really isn't about that I will get to that later. It's about my dad, I love you and miss you daddy, more than i can handle a lot. I'm tired of pretending nothing happened and lying to myself. I just wish I would have been by your side every day of my life. You protected me when I was 11, you hung out with me any time you could, and took care of me. I really miss him. I don't have what I've seen some of you call daddy issues, I'm just really hurting and haven't gotten over him yet or if ever will. I cry myself to sleep a lot I just don't know when it will ever stop. [youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGDA0Hecw1k]