After working for the past 2 years I've decided that it's time to upgrade myself. I'm continuing my studies & as much as I don't want to be affected by not socializing much with my peers I can't help it. For the past 2 weeks we've been having camps & just workshops to bond with our new coursemates.
I feel like I struggle a lot socializing with everyone. We have all sorts of ice breaking activities but at the end of the day I feel lonely. I feel like nobody really wants to be friends with me. I tried talking to a few people but it only lasted for awhile.
Today we had one of the workshops....we were all gathered in the hall & all of a sudden I was being left all alone. I was just standing there all by myself while everyone else was busy chit chatting. I feel like I was invinsible. It was pretty depressing until a group of girls called me to join them bcos I probably looked stupid standing there by myself.
I hated myself for being an introvert & I wished I was like everybody else. It came to my mind that maybe I'm so uninteresting that nobody wants to approach me at all. Nobody ever start a conversation with me...I always have to gather all my courage to start the conversation instead.
After the workshop I went home alone, obviously while everybody has friends to go home with. I had so many stupid thoughts running through my head & majority of it is about me not being good enough. It was so horrible that I actually cried. Do I sound stupid? I feel so hopeless & outcasted.
It really hurt my feelings & I wish somebody would just want to be friends with me. I'm an introvert but once you know me better you'll see a different side of me. This post just gotten so long & if you've come this far thank you for reading my rant.