This post may contain Mildly Adult content.
Mildly Adult
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join Similar Worlds today »

Does Love really come slow and ever go that fast?

If something special ended is it better to never forget that person and always stay in their lives, you know just keep their memories and photos and don’t change status or anything, let other people think that you still talk?
Or is better to completely let that person go and delete everything, change all status and updates and throw out old memories and not see or speak to them again?
I don’t agree with a rebound but is that the most logic option for a woman who doesn’t let go of love because it’s that hard to find easy?
And promiscuous? Is that healthy for a woman to become following a long term thing?
I don't know what is healthy for others, I can only comment on my experiences. What is right for me doesn't make it right for others.
Right after a break up with someone significant and long term, I cut all contact. Much later, after we healed and moved on, one ex is my friend. I could not think clearly or what was best for me if in contact with an ex. Too many feelings driving my decisions, those decisions have never been good for me, even if they helped me temporarily. I was not okay with sacrificing myself in the interest of immediate relief. Learning that took time.
I also never wanted to get over one by being under another. Another example of self harm that is covered in immediate satisfaction. Being alone for awhile, learning to be comfortable with being alone, is one of the best lessons I've ever learned.
YoungPoet345 · 22-25, F
Brings growth. Now I am fine on my own
[@6861,YoungPoet345] I find a lot of people, including myself, have to learn the hard way. It doesn't stick as well if you haven't suffered it a bit.
YoungPoet345 · 22-25, F
[@563449,dragonfly46] yes, that can be true too
YoungPoet345 · 22-25, F
Depends on the people and their situations. I have tried staying in the person’s life. While I did that, I never truly got over them. They left my life on their own terms as far as I could tell because they have some difficult challenges in their life they can’t seem to manage, part of the reason we broke up. I also understand how hard it must be for them so I don’t blame them entirely. But I realized there’s only so many times one can forgive. Sometimes as much as we want someone to stay, it’s better for them to go.

It’s sad and hard to let someone go. Time will tell what is right.

I think I will always care about them but they are not meant to be in my life atm.

That’s sometimes how things go.

I think you should genuinely ask yourself if you still have feelings for this person or just see them as a friend. Are you both in a good place to be friends and is it positive?

I don’t suggest befriending the person too soon because of your feelings or staying friends in a situation that is negative. I had to learn from my feelings. It hurts. But sometimes we have to let them go.
FrozenWasteland · 61-69, M
Yes, love (at least aspects of it) can disappear, seemingly, in an instant.

When that happens, to preserve my sanity, I need to let go of the "in love" part as soon as I can (though that can still take a while).

But if that person was truly worth loving once, they are worth loving always. I don't believe that I have ever stopped loving someone I ever cared deeply about.

The challenge is figuring out what "loving" them looks like after the "in love" part is over. It needs to be truly selfless. It can be anything from being the best loving friend one can possibly be to staying far, far away and silently sending good thoughts their way, depending on what works for them. It's not always easy (in fact it's rarely easy), but it is always worthwhile.

I can't be indifferent to someone I once loved.

Honestly, I'm not sure this is the most healthy approach, so it's most definitely not a recommendation -- but it's all I can do.
Enkis · 22-25, M
I guess it depends how it all ended? You can't erase or outrun the past, so there I don't think ignoring it or trying to bury all of it is a healthy idea. But, if it ended pretty badly then yes, keep the parts that were good and excise the parts that were bad.

As far as rebounds, you do you. I can say from my personal experience that when I broke up with a long term relationship I immediately tried to replace it with another one and that was a bad idea. It led to me not being able to really connect with someone new because I truly wasn't ready for it again. I found my way back by seeing people casually and for fun and that led to one becoming my next great relationship.

By casual I don't mean hook up city. :) It was more of a "do you want to go out and play some board games while getting a drink?" sort of deal. Seeing people to have fun and not screen them for a relationship (which is what I was doing before). :)
Signals · M
For me, I think it depends on the break up/separation terms.
I’ve usually gotten rid of all forms of memories but they’re still marked in my mind...
Not sure the rebound thing is always the wise choice in the immediate
Novascel · M
People deal in different ways.
You dont want to hold onto anything if possible.Or at least put everything away.
You can keep your memories but don't spend all your time looking in the rearview mirror otherwise its hard to see whats in front of you.

Problem with rebounds is your brain is still craving the chemical reactions that are released when in love so ofentimes people mistake love for that when in reality they are just trying to get a quick fix.
Leads to heartache and sometimes makes things even worse because you need to think about why the relationship ended and what you want/dont want in your next.
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
If it’s done it’s done, time to move on and sometimes we have to get things out of our system in order to settle down again. That’s my experience.
I think love is just a lie just empty words used to rip a persons heart out
MrGoodbar · 46-50, M
Tough question - I had something like that happen and I held on for a long time. I gave myself false hope that things would turn around but they never did. I think if I had gone the other way and deleted everything I would of been in the same pain.

All I can say is either way it takes time to get over it
MrAverage1965 · 61-69, M
Everyone is different, every relationship is different.
Do what feels right for you.
What feels right now might not feel right in a few weeks or months.
SW User
Women shouldn’t be promiscuous. The Bible says so.
Adroit · 31-35, M
[image deleted][@1182547,johndoe1994]
Tukudo · 36-40, M
When did you fall in love?🤔
Alya69 · 22-25, F
[@484639,Tukudo] First when I was 14, with my school teacher, that obviously didn’t work out lol
Dragfan8200 · 36-40, M
for me it never comes at all
Reflection2 · 36-40, M
The shit is not for me

Post Comment
4 people following
I Dealing With Breakups
Personal Stories, Advice, and Support
Group Members