A random potential self-revelation.
Recently I realized that that I'm not necessarily the most 'loving' person, nor do I currently mind that much. I think most of what I do towards the opposite sex is driven by lust and maybe not so much the desire for a relationship which is what I had sort of thought this whole time. xD It's the only explanation I have for why relationships CONSISTENTLY make me feel like shit, but why I'm so motivated by the prospects of meeting those I find attractive.
I'd still like to think a relationship of some kind would be possible for me one day because a big part of me still gets easily comfortable with those I can relax around and have something good going with. Still, there's always a point where I feel bored and trapped when things get serious.
A friend of mine suggested to me a while back that what I really want -- because I like having my days to myself and get bored by routine unless it's sexual -- is a consistent but non-exclusive sexual relationship with someone who thinks just like I do on the topic. And now I think maybe he's right. [b]Maybe[/b] part of my anxiety comes from the idea that the other person involved might just be fucking me until they find someone more serious and it hurts me to know I'll have to break it off when that happens. It's not all that often when I meet someone I have real chemistry with.
I really hope he was right and that I finally have an idea as to what would regularly make me happy. I've been through so much trying to find what that is, with no one else's experience to really compare mine to.
Regardless this isn't an advertisment. I just thought these kind of thoughts would be understood most on a site like this.
I'd still like to think a relationship of some kind would be possible for me one day because a big part of me still gets easily comfortable with those I can relax around and have something good going with. Still, there's always a point where I feel bored and trapped when things get serious.
A friend of mine suggested to me a while back that what I really want -- because I like having my days to myself and get bored by routine unless it's sexual -- is a consistent but non-exclusive sexual relationship with someone who thinks just like I do on the topic. And now I think maybe he's right. [b]Maybe[/b] part of my anxiety comes from the idea that the other person involved might just be fucking me until they find someone more serious and it hurts me to know I'll have to break it off when that happens. It's not all that often when I meet someone I have real chemistry with.
I really hope he was right and that I finally have an idea as to what would regularly make me happy. I've been through so much trying to find what that is, with no one else's experience to really compare mine to.
Regardless this isn't an advertisment. I just thought these kind of thoughts would be understood most on a site like this.
