I Want to Be Thin
The thing is. I recognize that my thoughts are unhealthy. But at the same time I don't.
So when I look in the mirror my thoughts usually goes like this:
"Wow, I like how I look"
"I could lose a few"
"I wan't to be thinner"
And I genuinly think I look good. But I think I could be better.
And this is where the unhealthy part comes in. I think that I should skip breakfast, just drink some water or maybe to have enough energy have an apple. Then that I'll eat a small portion at lunch, water instead of milk and that I won't eat again until dinner, and again. Small portion. Then I'll exercise. Or that I wan't to fast(wich I've never done)
I get these thoughts, and yes, somedays I'll go through with them. But I recognize that if I let these thoughts rule me, it can become toxic. But the thing is that I don't see why I shouldn't until I am at lower, but still healthy weight (according to BMI charts), other than that I won't have much energy.
I haven't had an eating disorder or anything. But I have been depressed, suicidal etc. I have obsessive tendencies with my grades and other stuff in life and I am SUCH an over achiever. I don't feel that an A suffices on tests sometimes. I put a lot of pressure on myself. Have always.
And why I am writing this is because I recognize that my personality, thoughts and behaviour is in the risk zone here. But idk, it's weird. I just brush them off. Aren't concerned with my thoughts. I have no reasons for wanting this, nor any reason for going through with it. But the thought is always there, and I do these things more and more.
So when I look in the mirror my thoughts usually goes like this:
"Wow, I like how I look"
"I could lose a few"
"I wan't to be thinner"
And I genuinly think I look good. But I think I could be better.
And this is where the unhealthy part comes in. I think that I should skip breakfast, just drink some water or maybe to have enough energy have an apple. Then that I'll eat a small portion at lunch, water instead of milk and that I won't eat again until dinner, and again. Small portion. Then I'll exercise. Or that I wan't to fast(wich I've never done)
I get these thoughts, and yes, somedays I'll go through with them. But I recognize that if I let these thoughts rule me, it can become toxic. But the thing is that I don't see why I shouldn't until I am at lower, but still healthy weight (according to BMI charts), other than that I won't have much energy.
I haven't had an eating disorder or anything. But I have been depressed, suicidal etc. I have obsessive tendencies with my grades and other stuff in life and I am SUCH an over achiever. I don't feel that an A suffices on tests sometimes. I put a lot of pressure on myself. Have always.
And why I am writing this is because I recognize that my personality, thoughts and behaviour is in the risk zone here. But idk, it's weird. I just brush them off. Aren't concerned with my thoughts. I have no reasons for wanting this, nor any reason for going through with it. But the thought is always there, and I do these things more and more.
