I Am Over It
Everyone was right... I couldn't get over what happened. But it wasn't HIM I couldn't get over, or even the things he did, per say... What I couldn't get over, was the injustice 😒 HE was the one who did all these awful things to ME! I was the one who endured all the torture from HIM! And I just couldn't get past the fact that HE gets this awesome chick to help him emotionally and financially stabilize his life.... And I get stuck with people who just torture me even more! Who he THEN uses to further torture me!!! Its so unfair, that anytime I'm forced to look at it, I run...
I would go out dancing 3-5 nights out of the week! Every week! I didn't sleep around, but I did have a few boy-toys that I used just about every night of the week. I just gave up looking for a job. Since he was the reason I couldn't get one, it was too much for me to associate, even more rejection to the situation. Every time I hit rock bottom, I'd pick myself up and start all over.... But little did I know, that each time I picked myself back up and dusted myself off, I was already predestined to meet the same inexorable fate...
So, for the past three years, I've been stuck in this paradigm where I can't get over the injustice because I can't shake it, and I can't shake it because I can't deal with It.
All I wanted, was what I deserve... A male version of ME! My whole life, all I EVER wanted was someone who cares about my happiness above his own, someone who ONLY sees me, and who thinks that I am the best thing that ever happened to him.... Because I would give the same thing to him tenfold!
Everyone told me that I was too idealistic, and guys like that only exist in fairytales. But I refused to give up... I knew that in order to heal, I needed to be by myself for a while. And I honestly DID stop looking for Mr. ANYTHING, let alone Mr. Right... But what I didn't know, is that I didn't just need to give up on finding Mr. Right, for the time being... I needed to give up on my idea of EVER finding anyone who fit the profile FOREVER. Because being alone isn't so bad, once you get used to it, you can see it for what it is... Freedom
I would go out dancing 3-5 nights out of the week! Every week! I didn't sleep around, but I did have a few boy-toys that I used just about every night of the week. I just gave up looking for a job. Since he was the reason I couldn't get one, it was too much for me to associate, even more rejection to the situation. Every time I hit rock bottom, I'd pick myself up and start all over.... But little did I know, that each time I picked myself back up and dusted myself off, I was already predestined to meet the same inexorable fate...
So, for the past three years, I've been stuck in this paradigm where I can't get over the injustice because I can't shake it, and I can't shake it because I can't deal with It.
All I wanted, was what I deserve... A male version of ME! My whole life, all I EVER wanted was someone who cares about my happiness above his own, someone who ONLY sees me, and who thinks that I am the best thing that ever happened to him.... Because I would give the same thing to him tenfold!
Everyone told me that I was too idealistic, and guys like that only exist in fairytales. But I refused to give up... I knew that in order to heal, I needed to be by myself for a while. And I honestly DID stop looking for Mr. ANYTHING, let alone Mr. Right... But what I didn't know, is that I didn't just need to give up on finding Mr. Right, for the time being... I needed to give up on my idea of EVER finding anyone who fit the profile FOREVER. Because being alone isn't so bad, once you get used to it, you can see it for what it is... Freedom
41-45, F
