I Idk What To Do

Idk why I do the things I do. I make stupid mistakes, a few days ago I slept with my ex bf an been lying to my current bf about it, I’m afraid 😱 he’s gonna find out I was unfaithful that one time an been lying to him for so long, lying about how I’m still chatting with my ex when he told me to completely ends things with my ex but idk why I’m still talking to my ex an lying to my bf about it, i love my bf so much an would not want to lose him but I’m still trying to figure out why I’m hanging on to an fling that’s nothing. Idk if I still love an have feelings for him or what? Idk, he’s with someone new as well & he also lying to his gf about his unfaithfulness 😞 I’m just still trying to figure this out! I feel so ugly rn an lonely..... I just need to talk but can’t talk about this with anyone but just to vent on here...