I Miss Being a Kid
Especially at Christmas.
I used to love the build up at school, the Christmas smells, the nativity plays and the feeling of absolute magic on Christmas Eve. Of lying under the Christmas tree and just feeling so happy and calm. Then waking up on Christmas morning and that joy at seeing all the presents and opening them. It never stopped there, Boxing day was just as good with extended family coming round and playing new CD's and eating snacks. It was magic and now at age 31, it isn't anything like that. I always thought that at my age, I would be married, with kids, in my own apartment. Instead, I am single, no kids and still at home. We do the same boring routine every year with family I am no longer close with and who ask me to get my own presents from them as they don't know me well enough to choose anything for me. We all sit around not doing anything and it's awkward and boring.
The feeling of magic, close family togernessness and acceptance has all gone. As the season nears to an end, it just seems to be more fear of the year ahead and of continuing to be a weird loser who still doesn't know what they want from their life.
It's like everyone is having a great, magical time and that makes the day worse.
I look forward to it every year hoping it will be different but it never is.
What I would give to have those childhood days back when there was happiness, no worry and no shame.
My grandmother would be so disappointed in me.
I used to love the build up at school, the Christmas smells, the nativity plays and the feeling of absolute magic on Christmas Eve. Of lying under the Christmas tree and just feeling so happy and calm. Then waking up on Christmas morning and that joy at seeing all the presents and opening them. It never stopped there, Boxing day was just as good with extended family coming round and playing new CD's and eating snacks. It was magic and now at age 31, it isn't anything like that. I always thought that at my age, I would be married, with kids, in my own apartment. Instead, I am single, no kids and still at home. We do the same boring routine every year with family I am no longer close with and who ask me to get my own presents from them as they don't know me well enough to choose anything for me. We all sit around not doing anything and it's awkward and boring.
The feeling of magic, close family togernessness and acceptance has all gone. As the season nears to an end, it just seems to be more fear of the year ahead and of continuing to be a weird loser who still doesn't know what they want from their life.
It's like everyone is having a great, magical time and that makes the day worse.
I look forward to it every year hoping it will be different but it never is.
What I would give to have those childhood days back when there was happiness, no worry and no shame.
My grandmother would be so disappointed in me.
