I Keep a Diary
#6
I was with this person's friend for a little over a year. After thinking about all the events, I realized that this person was using me. It became prevalent after month eight. She spoke all about herself 99% of the time. If I even spoke about myself and how I was doing, her response showed how little she actually cared and it would last ,at the most, one minute before it went back to her. Ironically, I was the one that was doing everything for her. She was quick to acknowledge my mistakes too, and make sure that I felt like crap about it. Though, I agree with some of them was my fault, but the others I believed to be unjustified and harsh. Anyways, I would hold off my feelings, occasionally pointing out how I was feeling. She became much harsher to me, started cussing at me and completely ignoring what I had to say. She would block and unblocked me multiple times, I always felt like I was at fault for every instance. Not to mention the countless times she called me stupid, or dumb for not understanding what she meant or my forgetfulness on the hours of her talking about herself (note that I don't make an effort to forget things). We finally stopped talking to each other two weeks ago. I felt sad, for some reason, that we weren't talking again. However, I got over it for a little bit. Now, because of those remarks, I feel that I am much dumber. I become super conscious about my actions and words when I talk to people I do not normally talk to. I wish she didn't have an impact on my self esteem. I am just frustrated that I even decided to talk to her again. I can't have people knock me down and expect me to stand up with a smile, especially when they use my weaknesses as a source of their control.
I'm glad that we met, though, because I now know to take note of the manipulations of others and be kind to them anyway. I just won't make the mistake of giving them all my time. I have to look out for the people who actually care about my well-being.
I was with this person's friend for a little over a year. After thinking about all the events, I realized that this person was using me. It became prevalent after month eight. She spoke all about herself 99% of the time. If I even spoke about myself and how I was doing, her response showed how little she actually cared and it would last ,at the most, one minute before it went back to her. Ironically, I was the one that was doing everything for her. She was quick to acknowledge my mistakes too, and make sure that I felt like crap about it. Though, I agree with some of them was my fault, but the others I believed to be unjustified and harsh. Anyways, I would hold off my feelings, occasionally pointing out how I was feeling. She became much harsher to me, started cussing at me and completely ignoring what I had to say. She would block and unblocked me multiple times, I always felt like I was at fault for every instance. Not to mention the countless times she called me stupid, or dumb for not understanding what she meant or my forgetfulness on the hours of her talking about herself (note that I don't make an effort to forget things). We finally stopped talking to each other two weeks ago. I felt sad, for some reason, that we weren't talking again. However, I got over it for a little bit. Now, because of those remarks, I feel that I am much dumber. I become super conscious about my actions and words when I talk to people I do not normally talk to. I wish she didn't have an impact on my self esteem. I am just frustrated that I even decided to talk to her again. I can't have people knock me down and expect me to stand up with a smile, especially when they use my weaknesses as a source of their control.
I'm glad that we met, though, because I now know to take note of the manipulations of others and be kind to them anyway. I just won't make the mistake of giving them all my time. I have to look out for the people who actually care about my well-being.
