I Wish I Was Dead
So... Here we are again. Always come back to this. Kind of sad how this is happening.
You think you'd grow and learn and find the will to live but sometimes you just slump I suppose.
I'm just tired, you know? Life is so tiring, people are so tiring. I get so fed up, I hate it.
There are so many things to live for, yet I find myself in this position.
Today, I was thinking about writing a note to leave for everyone. I could say all the things I never could to people. Because how are they gonna argue with a dead person? They're just gonna have to shut up and listen and take it. Is that how you get people to listen? Such drastic measures?
I don't have the energy to deal with things. I don't know how you guys do it. In a way, I know this is my fault. I've allowed myself to become a shell of who I was. And I wish I knew how to help that. I wish I knew how to help myself but nothing sticks and I just detach from things after a little while.
I hope that when I die, people remember all the good things. All the fun memories I had with them and I hope they cherish the things that remind them of me. I would want to have impacted the lives of those around me in a positive way so that they remember me with a smile. But I hope they stop missing me soon because stuff like that really hurts. Thinking about someone or something and feeling that gaping hole inside of you, and your insides tense up really hurts. It's overwhelming and it makes me so anxious. But I know they'll deal with it better than I could.
I feel pretty terrible right now. I just seem to feel worse and worse these days. When will it end?
Sometimes I wonder how I have the audacity to complain when people have it so so much worse. And I can't even handle this. I am weak. I need to find the strength to move forward, somehow. Or else.
You think you'd grow and learn and find the will to live but sometimes you just slump I suppose.
I'm just tired, you know? Life is so tiring, people are so tiring. I get so fed up, I hate it.
There are so many things to live for, yet I find myself in this position.
Today, I was thinking about writing a note to leave for everyone. I could say all the things I never could to people. Because how are they gonna argue with a dead person? They're just gonna have to shut up and listen and take it. Is that how you get people to listen? Such drastic measures?
I don't have the energy to deal with things. I don't know how you guys do it. In a way, I know this is my fault. I've allowed myself to become a shell of who I was. And I wish I knew how to help that. I wish I knew how to help myself but nothing sticks and I just detach from things after a little while.
I hope that when I die, people remember all the good things. All the fun memories I had with them and I hope they cherish the things that remind them of me. I would want to have impacted the lives of those around me in a positive way so that they remember me with a smile. But I hope they stop missing me soon because stuff like that really hurts. Thinking about someone or something and feeling that gaping hole inside of you, and your insides tense up really hurts. It's overwhelming and it makes me so anxious. But I know they'll deal with it better than I could.
I feel pretty terrible right now. I just seem to feel worse and worse these days. When will it end?
Sometimes I wonder how I have the audacity to complain when people have it so so much worse. And I can't even handle this. I am weak. I need to find the strength to move forward, somehow. Or else.
