I Am Still Haunted By The Trauma

I hate this day. What kind of person hates Halloween?? Well I guess a kind of person like me. The kind of person who was traumatized as a child ON Halloween!! Not that the trauma had anything to do with Halloween, it just happened to occur on Halloween. And not like I like to hate it. I'd much rather not feel this way. But every single year it comes around, I dread it. I try to ignore it is coming for as long as possible. Until it finally gets here and I know I'm going to have to somehow get through it anyway, like it or not (just like my life!). I never know just how badly the day is going to affect me (although I know myself well enough to know that bad anniversary days get to me, in general). Today has been pretty rough, to be honest. Sadness has overwhelmed me many, many times throughout the day (and of course, the universe sent me my period first thing this morning and also broke my son's heart--for good measure). The fact that the anniversary of the first severe trauma of my life is on a day sometimes associated with evil is definitely ironic. But that's pretty much what I feel like happened--I feel like my life was hijacked by evil on this day 36 years ago. I was just 7 years old. Both my self, and my life, haven't been the same since. Sadly. If it had just been this one trauma, I'm sure I could have recovered. Just like my mom and brother and sister did. But that was not to be my fate. No. This day marks the official start of my life heading straight to hell in a hand basket (and it's been there ever since). The first of what would become a whole lifetime of successive traumas...more traumas than one person could possibly cope with. I was not to be afforded a better life like the rest of them. Rather, I would be handed a much worse life. Me, and me alone, would take the brunt of it all. Every one else would recover, be able to move on, to live their lives...while I would not. For them, it was the only trauma. For me it was merely the first. The first of so many I've lost track. Like my life suddenly took on a trauma trajectory that hasn't gone away since. I don't think I've fared so well either. In fact, I know I haven't. I partly blame it on the fact that I'm an HSP. Trauma and HSP's don't get along very well, I've discovered. But that's another post. I also blame it partly on the fact that I only got 7 short years of peace on this planet, which isn't a long time at all. And considering how things started going so spectacularly awry, I almost wish I hadn't had those 7 years of relative "peace" because then I wouldn't have had anything to compare it to. And I wouldn't have lost so much.
Anyhoo, thanks for listening and I hope you are having a much better day than me!