I Am Confused About Some Things That Are Going On In My Life

Why do these things happen to me? I'm convinced I'm either living with some curse, or God outright hates me. My heart aches because the latter seems most likely. I've been in that place where hurt would be lessened simply if someone was by my side, for a while. I don't have anyone at this moment. I'm incredibly envious of those who can call up their parents, and their parents go on comforting them for however long their child needs it. Both of my parents are alive, they just don't care about my personal wellbeing that much. They have their own problems. I don't have any immediate friends either, so nothing there.

People always say focus on what's going right, not what's wrong. These people don't know my life. In a previous post, I wrote about ending my life. I cannot think of any real reasons why I shouldn't. The number one reason people like to tell people is if they do, their friends and family with be upset. Well, I don't have any friends and my parents would probably be sad for a few minutes, then probably become relieved because it's one child less that they have to deal with. The only reason I don't do it already is that of this false hope I keep giving myself that one day this won't be my reality anymore. One day I'll actually be happy and will love my life.

I wish for at least one friend. Being alone all the time really kills from the inside out. Even in this moment, I have absolutely no one to call, text, or e-mail for any kind of support.