I Re-read Our Personal Messages When I'm Missing You

There was a time when if I didn't check my email for the day, I could count on a super sweet message or even two letting me know how much I was missed. If I was away from my phone for awhile, I knew his romantic text would be waiting. It didn't matter what time of day it was I could call with certainty that I would hear a happy voice anticipating to hear how my day went. It didn't matter what time of day, he was always happy to answer just to hear my voice and I loved hearing his sleepy voice happy to be woken up by the sound of my voice.

Now I'm just trying to break the habit, the compulsion to contact him. Something will strike me and I will reach for my phone to share with my former lover, my friend. Then I realize we aren't anything to each other anymore. We've tried but I know. I can tell by the different tone in his voice. He's distracted and I am no longer the one he wants to hear from when his phone rings.

I took down my Christmas tree today. I have a few ornaments from my travels. One I bought at a hotel in Seattle. It's a glass artsy thing and I bought it to remember our time together. I have one from all the places I've been except Alaska and Hawaii. Those trips were packed with activity without much shopping opportunities. I figured I would be back to both states soon enough. I was wrong. It's not likely I will be back as soon as I thought, if ever. I started to write an email to him asking for a favor. Those are places my friend goes to frequently and I know if I asked he would send me ornaments from there. Then I remembered. I shouldn't talk to him anymore.

Against my better judgement, I started to look through old emails. That was a bad idea. I am as far in as a bag of Munchos, strawberry M&M's and one beer. Its a shame. I had such a good work out today too. Tomorrow is another day. I am going to start over tomorrow. Tonight, I'm re reading all my happy romantic messages from 2014. Hello beer #2. It's michelob ultra, it's low carb.