thank you for this love

subconsciously ive always known i was never in love. i knew wat real love was for me and wat i was always doing was never even love - especially with just random guys. as easily as i could of already had something with my first relationship i felt something wrong - like it was too easy or too perfect. i swear i literally asked why dont i feel better

ive never believed fairytales were real but unfortunately.....i hate how it sounds so stupid now........being a kid thats wat i [i]thought[/i] a relationship should be so i was unhealthily obsessed with just blindly looking for the fluff of a relationship. he saved me not becuz im a damsel in distress but becuz he saw through my bullshit of making myself a barbie doll becuz thats wat i thought a guy wanted. i was always being real with a guy......but as a kid myself was much. now it feels nice not to have to apologize

i know who i am on the outside of the computer and i am not a starry eyed princess and ive always just wanted a real intimate relationship. how "perfect the fluff is" is not realistic and a relationship where a guy knows wats important to me and gives me love in a non bullshit way and is always there for me is [u][b]all[/b][/u] i need

when i imagined having a relationship i was obviously out of my chair and the guy was happy becuz i could do everything physically and i would wonder if he would still love me if i was still in my chair. now i dont have to wonder and im eternally thankful to have that love